Big Brother 10: Laryngitis Olympics

This season is quickly going down in flames. So let me just say I was wrong. What I thought was a very promising season full of hard-core gamers has turned into a bunch of over-gaming maniacs who keep chasing their tails trying to play the game too hard.

EPISODE RECAP-

Food Competition -
Hey daddio, it's a totally 50s-themed food competition with poodle skirts and letterman sweaters. And somehow this loosely translates into a secondary laundry sorting theme. Something about "sock" hops. Yeah, I think it's a stretch, too. But anyway, our houseguests are separated into boy-girl teams, each on opposite sides of a partition and must find matching pairs of socks in laundry baskets by shouting sock descriptions over the partition. Their matches win them different varieties of food. Blah, blah. This hillariously awful part of this competition is that we have to hear self-proclaimed "tv-announcer in training" Jerry, and Renny, both shout with their smoker's lung voices. It all comes out as a babble of croaks that no one can understand, and I have to turn down my volume because the croaking is upsetting my animals. And then houseguests win food and booze. Hurray.

Keesha's Big Decision -
Even after being approached by multiple houseguests with the answer to life, the universe, and everything...Keesha, as HOH, still plays it very close to the vest as to whom she's going to nominate.

On one hand, she's got the underdogs begging her to throw them a bone and cast off the witch's coven that has Jessie's muscles as their familiars. They want Memphis and Libra cast out.

But then here's the in-crowd who wants to insert their hands up Keesha's bum and use her like a blonde meat puppet to vote out Dan, Renny, or Gramps. Tough call, Keesha. Tough call.

All she can say is that she's "really gonna shake things up". That better mean Julie Chen's going on the block.

Nominations -
Up go Angie and Jessie. Why? Angie let all of the Brian hatin' wrath dump all over Keesha and Steven. Now it's time for her to take her medicine. Lame, but fair, because I think Angie's a whiny little toad.

And then there's Jessie. Why's he on the block? Because he's the arrogant muscle head that makes me spit at the tv every night. He wins a surprising number of competitions, rips his shirt off too much, and thinks he's a puppet master in the game. He needs to spend a little time in the vulnerability box (which sadly has no mirrors for him to adore).

Alec Baldwin Is My Hero

I would just like to take this opportunity to blog a little about the man that I hope to marry one day. That man is none other than the amazingly talented Alec Baldwin! So intense, so full of rage, so well-endowed with chest hair. This guy is everything a girl could want wrapped into one foul-mouthed and arrogant package. His performance in Malice is what inspired me to go into medicine. Here's to you, Alec Baldwin, you sexy beast of a man, you!

Personally, I found his voicemail to his daughter witty and well, heck, I'll say it...just plain funny. What's more, he's right! I mean, he puts his day on hold to make sure that he can make a call to his daughter to get in some quality bonding time over the phone, and she can't even be bothered to answer. I know I hate it when people ignore my calls. In fact, I've been known to throw the "rude little pig" thing around myself from time to time.

At this point I was going to tell you about how the manufacturing of my brain-child, the Alec Baldwin action figure is going, but unfortunately I'm having a little trouble getting this project off the ground. So instead I will treat you to a little taste of Alec. Enjoy!



By the way, I have memorized this quote and plan to use it while I'm doing my medical internship every time someone second-guesses me. Or says anything. Or looks at me the wrong way.

Rory's Reading List

Here it is, for all of you die-hard Gilmore Girls fans..(and you'd have to be pretty die-hard since Gilmore Girls has been off the air for some time now)...Rory's reading list!!!

Yes, now you too can be a bookworm of gargantuan proportions. I found this list on the WB Gilmore Girls page and thought it would be cool to read every book that the character of Rory had purportedly read. A few years later, I'm still working on it. In my defense, it's a really long list!

• The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham

• A Passage to India by E.M. Forster

• Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

• Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton

• Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

• Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov

• The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco

• David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

• The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson

• Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

• Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia De Burgos by Julia De Burgos

• The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

• Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray

• Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

• The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

• Night by Elie Wiesel

• The Code of the Woosters by P. G. Wodehouse

• Hamlet by William Shakespeare

• Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe

• Beloved by Toni Morrison

• A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

• A Separate Peace by John Knowles

• Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw

• Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

• The Story of My Life by Helen Keller

• The Awakening by Kate Chopin

• Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

• Time and Again by Jack Finney

• Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

• The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

• Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

• Sybil by Flora Schreiber

• Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

• Cousin Bette by Honore De Balzac

• Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

• Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut

• The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

• The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

• Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

• Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

• The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo

• 1984 by George Orwell

• The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

• The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

• An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser

• Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller

• Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

• Lord of the Flies by William Golding

• The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

• The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

• The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

• The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner

• The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

• The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

• Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

• Emma by Jane Austen

• On The Road by Jack Kerouac

• The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

I'm So Excited!

I never thought it would happen to me! I'm just sitting at home, minding my own business, plotting evil and eating chocolate as usual, when my beloved sister gives me a call and asks if I would like to be a regular contributor to her blog. I was stunned!

For months now I have been reading her blog religiously and complaining loudly whenever there was a gap between posts. Now I'm allowed to post! Yippee! It's like being cast on your very favorite t.v. show. I'm very excited! But also kind of nervous. I mean, what if you guys hate me? What if I'm like cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch? She brings me in to help and I bring the whole show crashing down?

I vow to you right now, Woolly fans, that I will do everything I can to one-up my brilliant and hilarious sister. Only time will tell if I can live up to the Woolly name. So...much...pressure...

So to celebrate my new frenzied trepidation, a treat. I think this clip from a much beloved TV show...well, it just says it all.

It's a Girl!

Well, woolly readers, you read it here first. I've recruited another agent of evil to help keep this blog churning out milk curdling humor day in and day out. I'd like to give a warm, gooey Woolly the Blog welcome to my sister, Meri the Strange!

She's just like a clone of me, folks. Except maybe a little more....edgy. Twisted. Goofy. Yes, all the good things you look for in a humorous blog writer.

And in case you're an Askviller who's come to visit and are taken aback by this newcomer, rest assured that she's also one of us. Much like Pensive Katie (who can be found on Askville as PenguinSage), Meri the Strange can also be found on Askville (as CopperBoom). I will send all of my rotted daisies in a brown paper bag to the first person to guess where Copper Boom comes from! The contest begins.....n-....now!

So I hope you'll all join me in excitedly anticipating what "eccentricities" Meri the Strange will post about next. Just remember, you still like Pensive Kate better no matter what (right???).

Big Brother 10: Memphis and His Many Hats

First off I have to say that Jesse's pretentiousness is even more hilarious in Black & White. Oh Yeah, I'm Dave and I'm filling in for the Woolly Master, she has solitaire eyes tonight. Don't ask.

So I love it when the head of household thinks that all the sucking up people do when they have power has anything to do with long term alliances. Wait, was Jesse getting his toenails painted by Michelle? I guess he needed to look good when he takes himself out on a date later.

EPISODE RECAP:

Veto Competition -
Please let Jesse speak in a horrible French accent again, no, well at least they get Jerry with his “Night after a death metal concert” laryngitis. But hey he is a self proclaimed potential tv show host.

This competition involves putting various license plates together to make a phrase out of the letters. The second someone buzzes in a drape falls over the choices. Ut-oh they have to remember three things for a couple seconds. This challenge is too much for most of them so the game only lasts a couple rounds.

Near the end they are given a chance to answer one puzzle in exchange for a slop pass, no one takes it, forcing Jerry to continue to wheeze like a dying walrus.

Michelle wins a competition that the props guys put way more effort into than the players did.


Battles Royale-
While this season has no knives to the throat or naked parties yet the scheming is running wild.

After being nominated Dan has done his best mole impression and basically tried to hide in the diary room all episode. We get it Dan you are trying to not be a threat.

Keesha accuses everyone of thinking she is aligned with Steven(which she is). This impresses Jesse and Memphis enough to take her upstairs to the HOH bedroom. I leave the potential joke up the readers ...

Out of the blue, Jerry calls out Libra for calling him and Renny old and slow. I have no idea why that is surprising or why it makes Jerry mad but the best part is Libra flips out claiming she didn't say it. Renny gets sucked in and Jerry throws some dying walrus f-bombs and I am happy. I have no idea why this fight happened but that's why I love big brother.

Keesha and Steven convince Jesse that that Libra needs to go on the block because she is causing drama. Jesse buys this even though it was the same dumb reason he was put up last week. He tries to persuade Michelle.

Veto Ceremony-
Blah blah blah speech speech speech, no one cares. Although Dan calls the veto symbol a medallion a couple of times so he has that going for him.

Michelle does not use the veto because she seems to think that alleviate her of responsibility/blame. This once again proves Jesse inability to control the anyone's game even his own. His only hope will be to win every competition from here on out which unfortunately he might do.

Steven is pissed he is still on the block but he got to have a heart to heart with Renny about how they lived through hurricane Katrina. I am sure this is why the casting people picked a gay cowboy... oh wait.

Bonus points to any commenter who can name the three distinctive hats Memphis wore tonight.

Thank You For Being a Friend

Rest in Peace

Estelle Getty

1923-2008

Big Brother 10: "Can't Even Get All 18 Inches of That In the Camera"

I promise to try not and harp too much on how much I loathe Jessie and his tiny little pin head. Or his smuggy smugness. Wait, I've already gone and broken my vow. Crap. Well, I can't much help it, can I? This sunday's episode was called "Jessie's Muscle Magic" starring Jessie. There's just nothing else to talk about, people! Let's all hope things pick up more in up-coming episodes.

EPISODE RECAP:

Last Episode's Eviction -
Brian's out because he cheesed off pretty much everyone in the house by overplaying the game. The lone vote to keep him was Dan. Not because Dan's such an "honorable" man as he claims, but because there was nothing in it for Dan to vote otherwise. Ten bucks and the last Twinkie says that Dan would've flipped on Brian in a heartbeat if he'd been cornered in the bathroom by a pack of wild women.

HOH Competition -
Jessie wins. There's a ping in my brain and my right side goes cold. This once again proves that these "what would the other guests vote" survey competitions are absurd and boring. But this competition does create a very interesting division in the house. In one corner we have the pro-Brian clique staring at the feet sullenly after Jessie's victory: Angie, Steven, Renny, and Dan.

In the other corner we have the power clique that rub Jessie's muscles and tell him how strong and smart he is: Libra, Michelle, Ollie, April, Memphis, Keesha, and Jerry. They even let Jessie win at games of "chest" (as he calls it). And they compliment his back fat all the time, because as Jessie reminds them, "You all know exactly what my back looks like, right?"

Jessie and Jessie's HOH room -
Jessie can now make sweet, sweet love to himself. His room is stocked with all the porn he needs - muscle shots of himself on every wall. Those poor bastahd housemates of his are stuck in there listening to him talk about his back fat, muscle mass, and "all 18 inches" that apparently the camera can't "get". Gross. Steven is the only lucky duck who was lying down with a headache when the group moved up to Muscle Palace. And Jessie is mad. Smassshhh. How dare he disrespect Jessie's muscles this way by not seeing his HOH room! Dude.

Food Competition -
There's a French wine theme where "red wine" (read: Cherry Kool-aid) pours into two large wine vats on platforms - one for each team. The wine vats are full of holes that two teammates on each side must plug with corks tossed to them by teammates on the ground. To earn points, the opposite team collects the wine that trickles through the uncorked holes in the wine barrel. The team who collects the most wine wins. Phew! That was unnecessarily convoluted, but I could see myself creating that game after my second bottle of Pinot, so fair enough, producers. The randomly divided teams don't even need to play this out. All of the old and slow people are on one team, the young and strong people are on the other. Guess who wins? This means that Libra, Keesha, Renny, April, Memphis, and Jerry are all on slop. Again.

Nominations -
Steven and Dan go on the block. Dan because he sided with Brian. Steven because he disses the Muscle Palace and didn't pay his respects at the gun show. The best part is that Jessie really, really, really, really wanted Renny out. So much he kept screaming into a pillow and kicking his legs about it. But the housemates wouldn't let him put her up for strategic reasons (you hear that, Jessie? Stra-te-gy. Look it up.). Haha, he's still not in control, even when he's HOH. What a tool.

Big Brother 10: Go Home, Jessie, Go Home

I don't want to get your hopes all atwitter that I'll be able to post after every single BB episode this season - I may have to combine some recaps. But for once, this season is so juicy right off the bat, that I couldn't resist doing another recap tonight.

EPISODE RECAP:

Brian and the House -
Brian goes all puppetmaster on the house and decides to strike bargains with/strong arm every player in the house who's not in his alliance or on the block. Whoa, dude. You're comin' on a little strong here. You don't just take a lady to dinner and stick your hand down her shirt as soon as the soup's served. You have to have a little finesse. Same thing with bullying houseguests. The season's only a couple days old, just sit back and let a few chips fall before you lay down your hand.

Ollie and April -
A showmance is already in bloom. The blonde bimbo and the ex-virgin. Oh, Ollie you're so transparent, almost as much so as April's bikini. But, oops! You're in a "top-secret" man-power alliance. I hope your boobie buddy doesn't find out about this.

Veto Competition -
The players have to swim through a pit of honey while wearing pajamas in order to tear apart feather pillows, and then swim through more honey. Something about whoever retrieves some teddy bears the fastest wins. But who really knows, because this entire stunt was written by a horny intern who thought the best idea in the world would be to dress the already buxom boobalicious women in nighties, soak them in honey, and then get them to take part in what resembles a naughty pillow fight. Followed by more soaking in honey. The cameramen are clearly down for this, as we get many glistening, bouncing shots of boobies.

Oh yeah, the competition you ask? Pinhead Jessie won. And then tore his shirt off. Gross. No one wanted to see that. Why won't you just go home already?

Ollie and the Women -
The 3-man alliance has been careless. They remind me of the type of guys who'd knock over a liquor store, but video tape the whole thing, and then go to school the next day and tell all their friends about it and pass the tape around school. And then post it on YouTube. Subtle, guys. Real subtle. Ollie's the one who gets his minerals caught in a vise for this first. The women snare him in a web and sic April on him to tear him to shreds for not revealing his alliance. Ollie senses danger and immediately flips on his alliance, and agrees to side with the women. Which actually is pretty smart. He earns definite power player points in my book.

Jerry and the House -
The whole house, minus the sausage alliance, waits outside Jerry's HOH door to jump him as soon as he heads into his room. They all let him know that Brian needs to go up as the veto replacement since he's been playing people too much, too hard, too early in the game. I'm so proud of these guys I could plotz. After 9 seasons, FINALLY, one cast has learned how to play the game. This is great!

Veto Ceremony -
Jessie takes himself off the block, and thankfully doesn't tear any clothing from his body or flex his muscles the whole way through. A first for him. Really. Jerry announces he's putting Brian on the block. Dan (Brian's alliance partner) looks like he pooped his pants. Everyone is happy, but Jerry, who keeps babbling about letting down the Marines. Does he know what the Marines are? What they do? Does he know that the other people in the house aren't Marines? That the producers aren't Marines? Because I'm really starting to think that he thinks everyone who pressures him is anti-Marine, and therefore a friend of Hitler. The lights are on at Jerry's house, but no one's home.

Big Brother 10: "Shut up, Memphis, I already hate you"

Hooray! Summer has officially begun now that Chen-a-tron has loosed some vain losers on a small house-like tv studio set. Right off the bat, my impression is that we've got a good cast here. I'm already not feeling nearly as dirty as I did after the premier of BB9 (I showered and showered, but couldn't get clean). For once I really do see some interesting contrasts - and I don't see clearly how this one will play out. Suspense! Thank goodness. Right away, my least favorite player is Memphis, who I already told to "shut up" at least seven times in this one episode. At the head of my kick-ass list is Libra. She's a young mom, she's a liberal living in red city, and she's smart enough to keep her head down. So she's basically what I imagine Alternate-Universe Katie would be like in the house.

EPISODE RECAP:

Home Invasion -
Houseguests enter without much kerfuffle, otherthan Chen-a-tron forcing them to cast ballots for the first HOH. Yawn. The producers have clearly set this up for an easy Jerry win. I mean, really. Who else are they going to vote for?

Food/Car Competition -
In a potentially awesomely violent and bloody game, houseguests are forced to hop into upside-down VW Bugs suspended along a track, and then pull themselves back and forth across the yard, dumping a passenger out each lap (oh, and some lame thing about grabbing a gas can. Who cares?). The fastest team wins food priveleges (the other team goes on slop for the week). And the last player in the winning Bug wins a classic car - two of which are parked on the set for him (or her...it coulda been a her) to choose from.

All the women are out first. I'm embarrassed for my sex. Although really, who wants the hassle, cost, and maintenance of a broke-down, used-up auto that won't fit a car seat and doesn't even have seat belts? I see cinder blocks in those cars' futures.

Memphis turns rabbid and childish and forces everyone out of the Bug without looking down to see who he's stepping on. His team wins the food, and he picks the green muscle car from the late 60s. Ditzy April laments that her team losing is a tragedy because Ol' Jerry is so old and frail. Surely slop must kill him? Oh, and Memphis? You're a BARTENDER. Just get over yourself, dude.

First Night -
Renny (maybe a little drunk?) walks into the room of sleeping pansies, and turns on the lights. Then politely shuts them off again. The not-so-politely starts to make chipmunk noises and holla' that the bedroom door has been locked and they're all trapped. More chipmunk noises. Jessie tries to pet his muscles and tell them to go back to sleep. But they're all up now, and they want raw eggs. So he gets up, and goes to sit in the bathroom, lying in wait for Renny to get caught in the Jessie web. She walks in, he bitches. "I'm up. No you don't get it. I'm UP." Nice one, meat head. Label yourself as the whiny party poop the first night. Because picking a fight with someone right off the bat has never landed anyone on the block. Just ask Sheila and Adam.

Nominations -
Jerry is (yawn) head of household, and his HOH room has sweet photos, nice robe, blah, blah, blah. He has hyenas like Brian nipping at his heels for info and alliances. So now it's Jerry and Brian in some sort of May-December alliance. Which Brian's other alliance with Dan and Ollie might get jealous about. The May-Decembers decide to nominate Jessie and Renny after the (surprise!) big fight they had the night before. By the way, did you notice that Jessie was flexing his muscles all the way through the Nomination Ceremony? Really. Rewinding it on Tivo repeatedly is good fun.

Biggest Surprise of the Night -
No one cried! Huh.

Big Brother Alert!

Hey all you tv nutters, here is your official heads up to set the Tivo, because Big Brother 10 starts in just 3 days!

Oh com'on now. Don't deny it. You watch Big Brother. We all do. And even though we rarely admit it, it's really the only thing half-way worth watching in mid-summer. So just get all dirty and germy now, sleaze up in a dirty hot tub with a thong, and get over it.

In the great tradition of my "Lost Thoughts" recaps, I will be posting (humorous?) recaps and thoughts about Big Brother 10's happenings at least once a week - maybe more.

Now, to keep you satiated until the mouth-watering moment that the Chen-Bot and her wall of hair give the housemates the green light to run like summer camp kids and grab their bunks, I have a couple videos for you.

The first is of the new house look (which I lurve - hooray for kitsch!).

And the second is of the new houseguests introducing themselves (shall we put money on which of the women are totally lying about their ages??)

A few things that I noticed of interest:

• Thanks, Dan. This is probably the earliest I've ever hated a reality show contestant. Way to go.


• All the contestants are strangers! Woohoo!


• Jessie: Biggg guy with a littttle heaadddd, biggg guy with a littttle heaaaddd.


• Having an old guy is only cool on paper. Now I have to spend half the season cringing during competitions that he's gong to have a heart attack.


• Right off the bat, I'm rooting for Renny and Libra. But don't quote me on that. When they end up bleating at us like constipated goats for the whole season, I don't want this thrown in my face!

Ok everybody, remember to tune in:

Date: Sunday, June 13

Time: 8:00pm

Channel: CBS

Rockstar Pug

Since the dawn of Pixie Stix, there has never been a time that I have been so proud. Eh, I got married. Eh, I had a baby. Eh, I have an incredible life. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

All shadows of happiness compared to my excitement over my puggy dog becoming famous! He is now currently appearing on the front page of http://www.tvgasm.com/! Go. Go see for yourself and bask in his awesomeness.

Oh carp. (yes, it's intentionally misspelled.) If this post is more than one day old, his fleeting fame will have fled. So you'll have to bask in his wonderment from this photo of the tvgasm homepage, seen here:

Long story short, I won a photo contest today in which I had to find something around the house resembling the #6, take a photo, and email it in. It's all to help countdown the number of days left until the Big Brother premier. Wahoo! I won, I won!

I'm a weiner!

The Tears of a Clown

Sad. Bozo the Clown died yesterday. Turns out he was 83 years old. That's pretty old in clown years. That's like 200 or something.

Anyway, Bozo (aka Larry Harmon....who knew Bozo was a Larry? I mean com'on, Larry?) passed away from congestive heart failure. And all of a sudden a thousand Krusty the Klown pacemaker and microwave jokes are filling my head. No, no. Must push those away. I can't do it to Bozo.

In other news, today, July 4th, a new clown will take over (I just couldn't use the fill his floppy shoes pun) the reign as Grand High Priest of the Order of Clowns.

Kiddies, meet Bobbo the Clown!

The Powerful Katie Will Now Use Her Powers of Brain Control

Because my sister complains so much about too few posts on this site, you have now all incurred the wrath of the Great and Powerful Katie. As your punishment, I will now get a song stuck in your head that will drive you bonkers for at least 24 hours.

(you have to actually click and watch the video below for the Great Katie's powers to take effect. Click. Now. The Katie commands you!)

You Complete Me.

Hey folks, not to worry. Fearless leader here is still around and hunting for woolly items to tantalize you. But what with Tyra not publicly pooping her pants lately, and no major celebrity rehab incidents, pickins are slim.

Plus this baby thing keeps following me around. Demanding food. Demanding play. Demanding a new diaper.

So what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry that the posts have been at a trickle as of late. But if you like, I have about 9,000 other excuses just waiting in the hopper in case the ones above don't work for you.

As always guys, thanks for reading.

The Nerd in Me

Oh how sweet it is. Acrhaeologists have long debated the existence of an ancient mythological creature - the nerd. And now, finally, science has proof that us dorks have roots that go as far back as Ancient Rome.

Behold, a D-20 (or for you normal types, a 20-sided di, commonly used to play to play D&D - or Dungeons & Dragons). Our heritage is deep and strong, and our nerd veins flow with the blood of royalty.

Reports say that it is "unclear" what games this di was used for. But I think we all know. Even if science is trying to deny it. You know that Marcus Aurelius used this very di to cast Magic Missile.

And if you know what I mean by that, you rock.

Alexander Hamilton Hates Aaron Burr

I know it's a little early for your 4th of July present, but since the idgets in my neighborhood think it's time for fireworks already, I might as well let Uncle Sam drop this down your chimney.

Here, my friends, is a drunken history lesson*. Really. Starring Juno's Michael Cera.

*I've become aware that this video isn't always playing as it should. Stupid not-YouTube people. If you can't view it above, go to this link to see it directly:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/68f23e244b

Now if only they could capture that kind of magic in a bottle for network television, then we'd have something real to consider at Emmy time. I wonder if PBS has heard about these guys. Faboo.

The Amazing Sleep-Standing Baby!

I have a secret to tell you. This isn't the first blog post I've done about this. I've been cheating on you. I already posted this on my other blog, http://www.woollymom.com/. I'm sorry. I never take you out to dinner or tell you how pretty you are anymore. And that's my fault.

But I have to share this with you anyway. I adore my crazy baby girl who refuses to nap unless absoultely forced - except on boats, apparently.

For Father's Day we went out on my Father-in-Law's pontoon boat and spent some time cruising around the lake. My baby girl loved it for the first trip - sticking her tongue out and licking the wind. Then the second time out, she was past her naptime so I knew she might get sleepy.

I just had no idea when my husband leaned her up against the armrest on the boat, that the second the boat engine started, she'd be out. And I mean OUT.

While standing up.

Seriously, she is sound asleep in both of these pics

Eventually we tipped her over so she slept on her back for the rest of the trip. And she never noticed she had moved. If only I could learn to sleep like that!

At Least He Didn't Have to Eat Octopus

Most of Michigan is still celebrating the Red Wings' Stanley Cup championship. And just in case it wasn't sweet enough, here is the result of a bet placed between Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, and Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell (whose Penguins were matched against the Wings in the Stanley Cup finals).

We see Governor Rendell enjoying a (popular Michigan mainstay) Faygo Rock-and-Rye pop, a comfy Wings jersey, and posing with a Wings bumper sticker and some Kowalski sausages. All straight from Michigan with love.

I'm Fixin' To Win Me Some Goodies!

If there's anything I love in this world almost as much as free swag, it's contests that give away amazing prizes.

So I have to bring this one contest to your attention. It's being hosted by John Chow, of the amazing www.johnchow.com. The prizes include:

• golf shirts
• t-shirts
• flip video camera
• $200 Amex Rwards card
• USB drive that is also a pen
• iPod Nano

All of these goodies - of which I would be THRILLED to win (you hear me, guys?) - are sponsored by the peeps over at http://www.marketleverage.com/.

If you'd like to enter, just head on over to this link at John Chow's site:

http://www.johnchow.com/win-a-market-leverage-bag-of-stuff/

Just read all about the contest, post a comment, and you're entered! Good luck to all of you woolly readers. I hope one of us wins (especially me!).

Something New For You

Phew! It's been a crazy couple of weeks. In case you're wondering why your favorite blogger has been a bit distracted - it's not scurvy or rickets (as you may have guessed).

Instead, I'm in the process of launching a new blog, a little sister for this blog. It is called:

www.woollymom.com

and it's a great blog about my daily ramblings and revelations as a frazzled mom, trying to figure out this whole parenting thing.

If you're a parent - especially a new one - stop on by and see how a little bit of sass and humor might just help us all figure out how to raise our kids right. I'd really appreciate your visit and your comments. I'll see you there.

Rest easy though, this blog is still very near and dear to my heart. And it's not going anywhere. So sit back and enjoy the really disturbing videos, products, and images I bring to you next!

Shun the Non-Believer

There are times when I'm really at a loss for words over something I've seen on the Internet. That's where I'm at right now. I just saw one messed-up video. Messed up as in, I wonder if I've been drinking and forgot about it. Yeah, that kind of messed up. So here it is. A real viewing experience - Charlie the Unicorn.

No matter what you think it's going to be like, it's not.

I think I like this video. A lot. But I'm really not sure.

If you have any distinct emotions - one way or another - about this film, please leave a comment on this post. Oh, and thanks to my friend over at http://www.webmastersedge.net/ for warping my mind with this brilliance.

Hey-ey Hockeytown!

Hooray for the 2008 Stanley Cup Champions - the Detroit Red Wings!

My hometown boys did a phenomenal job this season (just as long as I promised to not watch any of the games....it turns out I'm a jinx). They clinched their Stanley Cup win on Wednesday night in a match against the Pittsburgh Penguins.

But that's not the real story, here. At least, it's not the real funny story here.

You see, my Wings love to par-tay. More than once in the past couple days, I've seen them take the microphones away from local reporters interviewing them, just so they could drunkenly start slurring sweet nothings to a chuckling tv audience.

And that's all before they headed off to celebrate at Cheli's Chili in downtown Detroit - a local restaurant/bar owned by Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios. Once at the restaurant, my wonderfully drunk hockey heroes ascended to the roof of the restaurant - and in the act of events still unexplained - they accidentally dropped the Stanley Cup off of the roof of the building. Way to go, guys!

Apparently the cup handler had to be called in for emergency repairs to a sizable dent in the side of the cup. Worry not, though; the cup has been repaired and is (almost) good as new.

I don't think I could be any prouder of those guys if I tried.

Ready to bug out your eyes at a picture?

Then take a look at this unbelievable photo:

This was taken as a car smashes into a group of bicyclists participating in a race in Matamoros, Mexico on Sunday.

Boy, I would tally that up to be about 1,590 "points". But then I found out that one person was killed in the "accident", so that would probably be pretty inappropriate. Wouldn't it?

What a Week! Recap

Boy, I've sure been missing the boat on posts lately. But so much to do, so much to see - I've got to learn to take more time and blog about the roses. So since this week has been a terrifying fun cavalcade of insanity, I thought I'd recap it neatly for you in one post:

Day One - Trees come down in my yard. It's like some kind of testosterone-packed chainsaw massacre that laid waste to my yard, in every positive way possible. I cheered heartily - especially when the giant Ash tree toppled like a mighty giant. Sometimes nothing puts you in a better mood than carnal destruction!

Day Two - Found places in my yard to stuff 28 wheelbarrow loads of wood chips like Mr. Bean spitting steak tartar down a violinist's pants.

Day Three - Saw picture of these men, and nearly choked on my Twizzler Bits:
Yes, they're wearing thongs on their faces during a robbery in Colorado. Nice going, rednecks!

Day Four - Realized my flats of marigolds died before I could plant them, all because I got distracted, decided I needed to inflate my pancakey basketball, spent all night looking for the pump, and then remembered that I don't like playing basketball anymore. It's too "movey".

Day Five - Still high from the Lost finale, went out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse, and had more than a few Wallaby Darneds, compliments of the bastahds at Hanson's Windows.

Also, Rachael Ray apparently wears a scarf that has little hidden subliminal swastikas sewn into the fabric...or something like that. Fox News chick is angry and yelling racist things. I tuned out.

Day Six - Lost badly at Mario Kart. Stupid tequila.

Day Seven - Bought a ginkgo tree which I pray will grow to look a little like the Baobabs in "The Little Prince".

And Kelsey Grammer has a heart attack. So I'm forced to repeatedly watch the video of him falling off that stage over and over. Still funny. But probably not good for his heart.