Lost Thoughts: There's No Place Like Home, Parts 2 & 3

As far as finales go, that was pretty damn satisfying. We got answers - BIG answers, and we got to see the path that next season is going to take. At the same time, the writers were able to bring a lot of central (and beloved) themes full circle. This was a smart episode. Here's a big-time rundown of everything I noticed:

Two Times the Kate Magic-
In what was a bold and climactic move by writers, Kate manages to get herself double captured in this finale. Double captured! First by the Others, and then at the same time by Keamy's men. Ok, so the second was voluntary in order to free Ben. But it still counts in the roll-call of times Kate has been captured/set off a trap in this entire show (I'll have a formal count for you by next season).

Cavalry of Whispers -
It was brilliant. Within the first five minutes of the episode, the viewer and the Losties came completely full-circle as Keamy and his men hear whispers in the jungle just before the surrounding ambush attacks. There was a time when this was very creepy and disturbing to the viewer. Now we (and the Losties) are on the other side of the figurative fence. And I don't know about you, but I started cheering the second I could hear the whispers. I knew it meant the cavalry was on its way! What a difference a few seasons make.

Fight Club -
When Sayid tackled Keamy from the brush, I don't know that I've cheered louder. And then the fight that ensued was the stuff dreams are made of. The Iraqi ex-soldier who can kill a man with his ankles vs. one really pissed off and indestructible GI Joe. Great choreography. And another very symbolic blending of the Losties with the Others. That Sayid would fight for the Others' cause to his death speaks volumes about how much the tables have turned.

Jack, Meet the New Ben -
Meanwhile elsewhere in the jungle, other themes are coming full circle as Locke is demonstrating how much he has learned in the art of subtle manipulation from Ben. He's getting into Jack's mind.

"There's No Such Thing as Miracles" -
Jack, I thought you were only there to rescue Hurley and leave? But no. You stay and listen to Locke. You let him get in your head about how you're "not supposed to go home". And then you listen closely as he puts the worm in your ear that it will eat you from the inside out if you leave (the guilt, not the worm). And then he convinces you to pull off a massive public cover-up. Awesome.

"Couldn't Find the Anthuriums, Could You?" -
After the satisfying rumble in the jungle, and the game of mind twisting with Jack, it's time to get back down to business: The Orchid. Once we acknowledge Ben's lackluster botanical breadth of knowledge, it's time to take an elevator ride. And I started actually tingling. How did the Dharma Initiative discover and build this deeply underground hatch anyway? I'm guessing that's a pretty end-game question, unfortunately.

Where's the Popcorn? -
As soon as a tired and impatient Ben pulled out the orientation film I stood and cheered. Thank the lawdy! Yes, another film. I don't know how the writers possibly justified writing this in, but I'm glad they did! Hellllo Nurse!

"I'm Edgar Halowax" -
Interesting that Marvin Candle introduces himself as Edgar Halowax in the Orchid video. Which is his real name? I'm guessing Halowax, since that's what they embroidered on his Orchid parka (that Ben puts on). Why was Halowax/Candle (what, will his next name be Wickman?) spending enough time down in the Orchid's vault to need a personalized parka?

Not the Magic Box...-
...but it's pretty damn close. Technically the Orchid has a box. And I'd call it pretty magical. "The Vault" is defined as being exposed to "negatively charged exotic matter", and that "no inorganic energy must go into the chamber". Or metals. So it's like a big effed-up microwave. And Ben's got a big-ass fork to stick in it.

Avon Calling! -
Ugh, really? You're going to make the super-human bad guy show up again? Ok, let's get this over with. Keamy, come on down here, say the most offensive things you can, inform us of your plot device strapped to your arm (which, by the way is actually a metronome - awesome job, prop guys!). And just as you finish furthering the plot, Ben will jump out and kill you in a way that is visceral, but slowww, ya know, for the sake of the plot. Ok, great. Now that's taken care of, let's move on.

Last Ferry of the Night -
Daniel's high-tailing it off the Island with a few more 815ers, and begs his fellow Boaters to come with him. Miles serenely declines and convinces Bitchy not to go either. "I'm surprised you want to leave after all that time trying to get back here!" Okay, that may be the biggest "Whaaa?" moment of the night. Charlotte's still looking for her birthplace? On the Island? What the heck does this all mean? Well, at least that we'll be seeing a lot more of the Boaters next season. Drat!

Up, Up, and Away -
Not too far from Keamy's last stand, Hurley, Sawyer, Kate, Jack, Sayid, and Aaron are boarding the helicopter for the boat. Nice that they don't stop at the beach to try and load the most deserving people on it first, huh? There go our heroes, taking their shot while they can. I'm not saying I blame them.

Selfless -
Sawyer may be one of the few true heroes on this show (Jack and Kate certainly not among them). When the chopper desperately needs to lose a couple hundred more pounds to make it to the boat, Sawyer says goodbye to Kate and jumps. Now, maybe he could've asked Frank to lower the chopper a little first. But, nah. You know what? He's fine. Because he's Sawyer. And the Island still has plans for him.

Fuel -
Phew! They barely made it to that freighter that's about to explode with fuel spilling out behind them. But of course they made it. The Island still needed them to make it. Little did they know that they probably could've flown for hours on the Island's dime if it kept them on their path to help the Island.

Dyn-o-mite! -
Back on the boat, things aren't looking any better than last episode. The mountain of C-4 explosive is intricately wired with a remote trigger and no hope of disconnection. There's only one chance! Their conveniently handy tank of liquid nitrogen! Why was the boat stocked with liquid nitrogen? Big wart problems?

Keepin' It Cool -
Michael is doing his damndest to buy some time before the big bang. And at least Desmond's smart enough to get his arse out of there. What the blazing hell was Jin doing staying behind like that? He's going to be a papa? How was he helping? Oh, Jin.

The Second Toughest Scene In Lost's History -
Only Charlie's death has choked me up as much as Jin's death. Alex's death was plenty hard too, but at least it was fast. Not like watching Jin scream for his wife and beg for them to come back. That was haunting. That'll be hard to take on repeat viewings. But could Jin have maybe survived? Just maybe?

Your Service Has Ended -
It was poetic. "You can go now, Michael."

Frozen Donkey Wheel -
Unaware of the boat explosion off the coast of the Island, Ben is in Halowax's parka and climbing through the microwave's blast hole into a (more) underground tunnel with ladder, arctic climate, and a big-ass frozen wheel. This wasn't the first time the tunnel had been used, so did they always have to blow open the back of the Vault? And then repair it each time?

I'd Like to Spin the Wheel, Pat -
Ben manages to turn the wheel of doom, and begins the frightening process of moving the Island. The sky turns violet again, the humming begins, and then the Island is sucked into the ocean, presumably to turn up elsewhere undisturbed. Is this the first time we've seen the Island move? Is this also what happened when Desmond turned the failsafe key in the Swan Hatch? And is that how the Boaters were suddenly able to track down the Island? Because it moved to a more accessible spot?

Timewarp -
By turning the wheel, Ben is presumably time/space travels to the Sahara Desert in October, 2005 (from December 30, 2004 - the date that Ben turned the wheel).

Left Behind -
The Island left a few people behind - our Losties floating in their rescue raft after their helicopter plummets to the ocean. And another raft of people - Daniel's last batch of people heading for the boat. What happened to them? Maybe they got caught in the boat explosion. If not, where were they that Pen's boat didn't find them?

Rescue, At Last -
Penn's boat arrives just on time to pick up the rattled helicopter/airliner crash survivors. Anyone else notice the eerily similar of the appearance of Penn's boat to the Others' boat that snagged Walt from the raft in Season One?

Finally, a Happy Moment -
In a real downer of a finale, at least we could happily sigh for a brief moment. Penn and Des together again and never going to leave each other. Until...well, Desmond's one of the ones that has to go back. How will he ever leave Penn again?

Traveling Man -
Let's take a trip to the future, where Jeremy Bentham is a busy man. He's visiting Walt to reveal the Six's lies. Then he's visiting Jack, Kate, and presumably the other survivors. On the pro-Bentham team we have:
Sayid
Walt
Hurley
Ben

On the anti-Bentham team we have:
Sun
Kate

And then of course there's Jack, who can't decide who to trust, believe, or have faith in.

The Island's Calling -
Literally, the Island called Future Kate one night in its campaign to bring the Six back to the Island. Does the Island have to travel by phone? On the line all she heard was the whispers, only to find Claire standing over Aaron and issuing the warning not to bring him back. I don't know Claire, I think it's too late. He's already being raised by another. So why is the Island contradicting itself? If it wants all of the Six back, why is Claire saying this? Doesn't she work in service of the Island?

Bentham's Been Compromised -
Future Sayid makes a very important visit to Hurley in a scene that's sure to be underrated for its importance. He lets Hurley know that Bentham is dead - and not by suicide as alleged. And that means Hurley and the rest are in danger. He's already killed a man staking out Hurley's hospital. I'm thinking this dangerous pursuit is what will finally convince everyone to go back to the Island as it commands. In any event, still fascinating to hear that Hurley's seeing other Island spirits - including Mr. Eko who apparently likes to play chess. Poorly.

And the Man in the Coffin Is...-
Jeremy Bentham....who is...John Locke! Looking surprisingly dead for an actor on a tv show, I must say. So Locke was prancing around the mainland trying to rally the troops and got himself killed. It was a sacrifice the Island demanded.

They're All in Big, Big Trouble -
They've got more to worry about than just the average inept Widmore hitman, now. It seems that Sun still holds a grudge with Ben for the death of Jin. And she is on powerfully scorned woman. We'll have to watch and see how far she'll go to get her revenge, with the help of Papa Widmore. I wouldn't ever want to be on the wrong side of Sun.

BEST LINES OF THE EPISODE:

"I'm sorry I made your life so miserable." -Benjamin Linus saying goodbye to John Locke

"Checkmate, Mr. Eko." -Hurley to an invisible chess opponent

"If you mean the time traveling bunnies, then yes." -Benjamin Linus confirming the Island's oddities

THINGS YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED:

• If you play back whispers calling Future Kate on the phone backwards, they are saying "The Island needs you. You have to go back before it's too late."


• There was an ad during the last commercial break for Octagon Global Recruiting. This is an ad for a Dharma Initiative recruiting seminar to be held at...none other than ComicCon 2008 (man, I wish I could be there!).


• Penn's boat's name is "The Searcher"


• The producers' code name for the secret scene with Ben turning the frozen wheel was "Frozen Donkey Wheel".


• When the Six part from Penn's boat, Jack tells Des that he'll "see him in another life, brutha". (Ok, this time he left off the "brutha" part.) This parallels multiple instances where Des has said this to Jack.


• The producers filmed two alternate endings to the episode to prevent media leaks. Here is the video showing the other two endings:

Lost Thoughts: There's No Place Like Home, Part 1

Most of us Lost fans were left tapping our fingers last night during a generally ho-hum episode. I could practically hear the director calling "Places! Everybody, places for the big finale!" (which airs in two weeks, and better blow the hatch doors off of all other finales in the history of television). And thanks to last night's game of Island chess, we didn't get very much meat to this episode, just a lot of loose ends tied up in a damn hurry. To me, this was the episode where we really saw the price Lost paid for the writer's strike. But here we go with my thoughts on the particulars nonetheless:

They're Calling You the Oceanic Six -
Our favorite Oceanic representative and press agent, Karen Decker is on hand to welcome our heroes home for a reunion with their families after being "rescued". Predictable as predictable goes, all of the survivors are greeted by their living parents - except for poor Bucktooth (Kate). She and Aaron are symbolically very alone when they land on the mainland.

Every Islander For Themselves! -
The Oceanic Six "rescue" brings up the question once again, how the hell did Kate Austen get a seat on the rescue plane ahead of all those other people with families who missed them? Same with Jack, really. I keep having this image of our "heroes" shoving all the other survivors down face-first in the sand so they can get to the rescue craft first. I'll be very interested to see how their "rescue" is justified. All I can say is that Jack better not have gotten a rescue seat because the damn fool was bleeding from his heroic stitches.

Are You All Buying This? -
The story fed to the press by the Oceanic Six just makes me shake my head. I love that the reporters have already caught on to the absurd suggestion that Kate was 6 months pregnant when she was arrested in Sydney. But the real curious thing about their story was, who invented it? Is Oceanic in on the cover-up? Or did the "Six" fabricate this gem all on their own?

Welcome to Paik Industries -
Future Sun, still just barely pregnant and fresh off the rescue plane, drops by her daddy's office with a bombshell for him. She has bought controlling shares in his company with the settlement funds paid out to her by Oceanic. It's the smart move, the poetic move, and the only way to ensure the safety, welfare, and security of Ji Yeon. So now I dust off my hands and call this another storyline that has been neatly wrapped up with a bow. And we still have two seasons to go.

You Should See What I Did To the Other Guy -
The only really intriguing part of Future Sun's story is when she tells her dad that he's one of TWO people responsible for Jin's death. Who is the other person? And where is he hiding and pissing his pants?

Hugo's Party -
Future Hurley's trip to the nuthouse appears to be a very short one. Not only do whispers still haunt him, and his parents throw him island-themed surprise parties (nice one, mama), but also his creepy car full of bad memories has The Numbers on its odometer and trip counter.

Life at the Big House -
Future Hurley's parents are clearly not short on cash. So did they keep his original lottery winnings? It would make sense that they'd have inherited it after Hugo's "death". So did the "curse" of the money pass on to them (according to Hugo's logic)? And is the Oceanic settlement money cursed? Or is it clean for Hugo to spend? Man, this curse stuff is complicated and exhausting.

You Are Going to Your Father's Funeral, Mister, and That's Final! -
Future Jack's down a rough path of his own. Being the only Lostie who seems excited to be rescued, Future Jack's having a tough time keeping the glow in his smile. You'd have thought being stranded on a desserted island would've gotten him out of his father's funeral. But no, he still has to deliver a eulogy. But wouldn't they have had a memorial for Christian at the same time as a memorial for Jack? I mean, these people were presumed killed in a plane crash (with the bodies found at the bottom of the ocean) at least 4 months prior - they should all have had funerals held for them, and grave markers placed in the ground. What a very convenient plot device that Christian's memorial was held off until their dead son was rescued!

By the Way, Grieving Stranger Man -
"You have a dead sister who was on the plane seated just a couple rows from you the whole time. I know this knowledge does you no good, and you've already been through a mountain of trauma already, but I have to wrap up this plot thread somehow. You see, there was this writers strike, and your dead sister's back story had to be cut, along with a more appropriate revelation of her existence. So now here I am, at your father's oddly-timed funeral, taking as long as possible to spit out her name, the name of your dead sister, the secret one your father didn't want you to know about, from the plane, causing you to travel to Sydney. Her name was....was....Claire!"

Run Through the Jungle -
Back on the Island, Jack is running through the jungle with various cohorts (depending on where the writers were shuffling people), bleeding as he went. Real smart, Jack. Let's leave a blood trail so that man and beast alike can follow your trail for miles. Better yet, why don't you carry a loudly beeping phone the whole way so that when you arrive, everyone can hear you coming (in case they don't see the spurt of blood above the trees!).

Thank You, Sawyer -
I applauded when Sawyer pointed out the lunacy of Jack not learning from his past mistakes. Locke was right, they shouldn't have trusted the chopper people. Now they'll all likely die because of it. And yet....oh, Jack....you still want to phone the chopper and chase it down. You couldn't make it much worse, could you now?

A Changed Man -
What a change we've seen in this character since his first gruff days on the Island. Nowadays he's cradling Jungle babies in his arms and sending a search party after his tubby friend even when "rescue" is inches from his fingertips. Oh, ok Sawyer. I'll sleep with you if I must.

If I Only Had a Heart -
In a show that has a lot of parallels to "The Wizard of Oz" (including this episode's name), is Sawyer our Tin Man? Would that make Jack "Dorothy" (just wanting to go home)? Hurley the "Cowardly Lion" (learning to be a strong hero)? Kate as "Toto" (always getting captured and running away again)?

Hurley Wants a Cracker -
Our Cowardly Lion, Hugo, is showing his courage as he's running through the jungle with Locke and Ben on a mission to "move the Island". And he's not afraid to do his part and eat 15 year-old crackers, damn it! Oh Hurley, why are you following these head cases, who I love, but clearly aren't up to anything good?

Mirror, Mirror -
While Hurley's munching on his stale crackers, and Locke's scratching his shiny skull, who is Ben signalling to in the hills? Is it the Others? What are they saying? At first I thought he might be signaling for the Orchid station to evacuate, but then he wouldn't be keeping it a secret from Locke. Aren't we past the time for secrets, Ben? The party's over pal, I think it's time to put your cards on the table. Especially since Locke is Jacob's new boy.

No One Here But Us Commandos -
There they squat in the jungle: John and the Lockettes watching the not-so-subtle army men waiting to snatch Ben. How did the Others know to evacuate The Orchid before GI Joe got there? If they're dead (as I suspect), this makes some sense. In any event, are these the worst army commandos ever? I mean, they don't even know how to hold a perimeter, seeing as they don't even notice three full-grown men sitting a few yards away staring at them with binoculars and chatting up a storm. Plus, if two of them are parading out front, how are they covering the rest of a station which is apparently large enough to house a whole commune of Others? There just aren't enough Joes! Their tactics make no sense! And why wait outside for Ben's arrival? Wouldn't it be sneakier to hide inside so Ben won't run away?

I can't wait to see Smokey eat them for brunch!

An Orchid By Any Other Name -
What the heck is inside this "greenhouse" that makes it so special and safe? Ben instructs Locke to go down to a secret basement, what will he find down there that will allow him to move and island? Miracle Gro? (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Peek-a-Boo! -

Well, there are our missing Others! Conspicuously absent from their greenhouse, I wondered where Richard Alpert had gotten to (and how many were left). Turns out they still have a pretty strong army that still enjoys surrounding people secretly to spook the shit out of them. Were they looking for the Losties? Or did they stumble upon them accidentally? I have trouble believing anything the Others do is accidental....

An Explosive Situation -

Out on the open sea, there seems to be a slight panic in Desmond's voice as he calls to the dinghy folk to come see what he's found on the freighter. Uh-oh! It's an explosives-packed cargo area with enough boom sticks to take out, say, a Korean and a janitor trying to atone for his sins. I think Sun has every right to have that worried look on her face.

Ruh-Roh -
Back on the beach, Daniel the rescue raft captain, reveals the first helpful tidbit to come from the Boaters since their arrival. He recognizes the "Secondary Protocol" and the mission to the Orchid. But how did he recognize this? The sketches in his journal suggest he knows it from his flashes. And just thinking about what flashes at what point in time would've made Daniel draw those sketches and understand a secondary protocol, thus revealing to his past or present self that an Island was about to be destroyed over a greenhouse....well, there it is again, I've gone cross-eyed.

Best Line of the Episode:
"Jesus Christ is not a weapon." -Carmen Reyes, to her son Hugo

You Might've Missed:

• At Hugo's party, Sayid is wearing a wedding band, suggesting he and Nadia are already married.


• Two rabbits' feet appear in this episode: On Hugo's keychain, and in the hands of the co-pilot bringing the Oceanic Six home. There's just something about luck on this show...


• The island that the Oceanic Six supposedly crashed on is called "Membata", which is Indonesian for "doubt" or "uncertainty".


• Future Hurley was carrying a Mr. Cluck's chicken bag when he arrived at his surprise party.


• The Orchid Station symbol we see up-close in Daniel's notebook matches the symbol on Ben's jumpsuit in the desert, and that was on Keamy's "Second Protocol" notebook.


• A Geronimo Jackson album appears at Hugo's party, as does a guy wearing a "42" t-shirt.

Lost Thoughts: Cabin Fever

Now this episode feels like old times. It's like putting on your old fuzzy slippers. Lost, if you're not careful I could just fall in love with you all over again.

Here's what I noticed during this episode:

Mr. Tom Sawyer Likes 'Em Young -
We met 16-year old Ms. Locke tonight, as she's running off to meet a certain li'l con artist we all know and love. Of course, only she knows she's 5-6 months pregnant at the time with our favorite baldy, John. Or could Mr. Sawyer have known? Any chance he was the one driving the car that hit her? If he's willing to launch his own son out a highrise window, I wouldn't put it past him to twist his evildoer moustache and run down the little prostitot with his car.

Going Faster Than a Roller Coaster -
A little personal excitement here: The episode kicks off with Ms. Locke playing the Buddy Holly song, "Everyday". That just happens to be my song - it's been my theme song since before I was born. It was almost eerie for it to appear here in my favorite show like this, heralding the entrance of the show's hero. Hooray!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Richard Alpert -
My favorite eyeliner-wearing Other makes a most unexpected and giggle-inducing appearance tonight at the hospital bassinet of our young Locke. And as we see through John's life, Richard routinely checks in on him and attempts to recruit or test him for a Mittelos Bioscience "project". So did the Island know John was special from the moment he was born? The Island must've sent Richard, sealing the notion that this has always been Locke's destiny.

Get Me the Number of His Surgeon -
Why the heck hasn't Richard Alpert aged? We already knew that he was exceedingly good looking for his age after seeing him in the late 60s looking grown-up and unchanged. But he was that way back in the early 50s, too?? How old is Richard Alpert? Does he go back hundreds of years? Or more?

Dead Man Walking -
Maybe Richard didn't discover any fountain of youth. Is Richard Alpert already dead? We've recently seen many dead people taking on work for the Island. I'm thinking it's pretty likely that Richard's one of them. But how long ago did he die, then?

I've Cracked It! -
Here's the the question about Richard being dead for these many decades: Are all of the Others dead also? I believe Ben is still alive (hence the tumor). And they have a few live helpers (like Juliet and the pregnant women they experimented on ). But I'm starting to sense that the rest of the group - the ones who wanted the DI eliminated, the ones who asked Ben to join them, and the ones who are holding children hostage (or their spirits hostage, at least) - that they're all teats up. Maybe that's one of the Island's big secrets. It's a ghost island! That would sure explain all the creepy jungle whispers. And what the heck Miles the Angry Ghostbuster is doing on the Island.

Well, that's nicely wrapped up. I've clearly solved it. Show's over. Time to go to bed.

Ooh, a Knife! -
Poor Little Locke didn't have a chance when Richard gave him that little Island test. Even our very special Locke isn't a lame enough kid to claim that a bottle of sand, a beat-up compass, a book of laws, or even a comic was his. Of COURSE he goes for the knife! And wasn't it the right answer?

And I don't buy for one second that Alpert was really as disappointed as he let on - otherwise he wouldn't have continued to track Locke. And besides, that sketch of Smokey the Monster eating a man sealed the deal, I think. I know it creeped me the eff out.


"Don't Tell Me What I Can't Do!" -
Who else talked along with this line tonight during the teenage years flash? Com'on, I know we weren't the only ones. That line's become a very powerful anthem for our baldie.

Go On a Walkabout -
Richard Alpert has some competition - he's not the only one trying to recruit Locke to play a role in the Island's fate. Matthew Abaddon (who recruited all the Boaters and tried to ply Hurley for information after his "rescue" from the island) shows up and tries to get Locke into the Island business by suggesting he go on a walkabout. And since we all know (as does the Island) that Pre-Island Locke is completely susceptible to the power of suggestion, this is liking shooting fish in a barrel.

I See an Airplane in Your Future -
What puzzles me about Abaddon's suggestion and clairvoyance, is how does he know what will happen to Locke if he tries to go on a walkabout? Every outward appearance is that Abaddon's working for Papa Widmore, not the psychic Island full of dead people. So where's he getting his psychic information? Is he really working for the Island instead? (Does the Island see the need for double agents?)

Don't Rock the Boat, Baby -
Back on the boat, Keamy's getting a little nutty. First off, he's hella-pissed that Ben knew his name and information. Why? So, a little bug-eyed Island man of mystery knows your middle name is Christopher. It could've been worse. It's not like your middle name is Mervyn or something. But man, are those people on the boat going to pay for his middle name getting leaked (and you know, also for standing in his way from destroying the Island...that, too).

BAM! Down goes the Boater Doc. BAM! Down goes the Captain. So long, Cappy.

Sorry, Michael's Off Limits -
Commando Keamy tried to cap Michael (by the way have you noticed that janitors on this show are always really disgruntled men? Roger Linus? Michael?). But the Island wasn't havin' any of it. Just like in the alley with Mr. Friendly, the gun jams. Michael owes the Island for his life about eight times over now. And Keamy owes Michael a new pair of undies.

Let Me Just Check My Script, Here -
Before Commando Keamy heads back out to the Island, he first grabs a "second protocol" out of the safe - presumably from Papa Widmore. Why does the cover have a Dharma Initiative logo on it? Were the Dharma Initiative people really just innocent bystanders?

Rescue Raft Saves the Day -
Well, I'm just assuming that Sayid and his rescue raft are going to save the day. How else are the Oceanic Six getting off that freakin' Island? My gut's saying it won't be in that helicopter filled with psychotic army commandos strapped tight with explosives and hell-bent on razing the Island. I'm voting for Sayid's dinghy as the winner here.

Horace the Friendly Ghost -
Back on the Island...oh, look - there's Horace Goodwill, our favorite dogooder/sucker who was killed by Ben and his Island ghost posse 12 years before. Horace's spirit apparently still has his balls in his wife's purse, because he's spending his afterlife perpetually building a getaway cabin "for the missus". But at least we know who built the travelling Ghost Cabin. The most priceless moment of all in this sequence, though, was seeing Ben's guilty face looking at Horace. We knew that Horace was the one person Ben felt remorse for indirectly killing, since he was the one dead person whose eyelids he closed right after the Purge.

Christian Becomes an Other -
Not only has Christian Shepard become an Other Ghostie, but it seems that he climbed the ranks pretty quickly since he's acting as Jacob's press agent. Why is Christian being esteemed so greatly? I think it's a pretty safe assumption now though, that you become an official Other if your dead body is on the Island.

Claire? -
So this is where Claire is, and will always be. In a creepy cabin jungle with an ugly dog painting. It looks to me that Claire is dead and her spirit is chilling with her father's spirit. Did Claire die in the house explosion? My money's on yes. Her spirit confusedly travelled onward with her party not realizing her fate until her papa showed up to guide her.

Mama Issues -
Just in time for Mother's Day, I'm starting to string together a new set of parental issues for this show. We've already clearly seen the big-time daddy issues the characters have (Locke's homicidal papa, Sawyer's homicidal/suicidal papa, Penn's homicidal papa, Sun's homicidal papa, Jin's shameful lying papa, Kate's alcoholic abusive papa, Jack's alcoholic abusive papa, Claire's alcoholic abusive papa, Ben's alcoholic neglectful papa, Hurley's abandoning papa, etc.).

But now I'm starting to see that the mother's aren't real peaches either. They seem to have troubles staying in their Island kiddo's lives:

• Ben - mother dies after childbirth
• Claire - mother goes into terminal coma after car crash
• Jin - prostitute mother abandons her son and then extorts him for money
• Shannon - mother dies, stepmother turns her back on her penniless stepdaughter
• Alex - mother is inexplicably not present for the bulk of her mystery life
• Kate - mother turns her back on criminal daughter and then dies of cancer
• Locke - mother turns her back on him after his birth, foster mother has no faith in him

Ok, so maybe it's not a universal formula that applies to every character, but I think this episode's new thread in the damaged quilt of motherhood is definitely Lost's way of saying "Happy Mother's Day!"

Best Line of the Episode:

"Destiny is a fickle bitch" -Benjamin Linus describing to Locke how the Island's favor may change some day

Things You Might've Missed:

• Ben and Hurley shared an Apollo candy bar.


• Hurley was mumbling "mallowmars!" in his sleep.


• Teenage Locke had a Geronimo Jackson poster in his locker: the fictitious band that everyone around the Island seems to enjoy.


• Teenage Locke also had a picture in his locker of the famous explorer, Sir Richard Burton.


• Richard Alpert describes himself to little boy Locke by saying: "I run a school for kids who are... extremely special, and I have reason to believe that you might be one them." This is a quote from X-Men. It is the line Charles Xavier uses to recruit mutants into his school.


• Horace Goodspeed was a Dharma Initiative Mathematician.


• When Locke tells Hurley that they have to make a pit stop, it actually is at a pit. Ha!


• Based on the number of years Horace has been dead, the Purge would've occurred on December 19, 1992.

Lost Thoughts: Something Nice Back Home

Last night's episode was very heart-warming in a lot of ways - not because of the blechy Jack-Kate love storyline, but mostly because "Something Nice Back Home" reminded me a lot of the good ol' seasons on the beach. It was nice to spend time performing ramshackle surgery on the beach and visit with Rose's inner bitchiness (which I lurve!). So here's what I thought about the whole shebang:

What's That in the Sky? It's Super Bernard!
Wow, Bernard really stepped up this episode as a super badass. First he stands up to the Boaters and calls them out on all their lies (and way to go, Rose, for defending your man like that!). Then he steps in as an anaesthesiologist, and knocks Jack out when he's being insubordinate. Bam! Take that, Jack! I'm starting to get attached to this little dentist - or as I still call him, "Mr. Gorpley" (which, by the way, this actor isn't credited with on IMDB, oh the scandal!).

A Case of Convenient Appendicitis
I'm a little disappointed in this hack writing move, pulled right out of the television cliche handbook. "Ooh look! A potentially fatal and sudden ailment that can be easily fixed, if only it will bring characters together and put things in perspective first!" I'm at least pleased that Super Rose and Super Bernard stepped in to provide an ounce of credibility here by explaining that the island is trying to hold Jack down so that they don't all get "rescued". The island is so cliched!

Adventures With Twitchy and Bitchy
We could seriously make a sitcom or animated romp about these two characters. I, of course, am referring to Daniel the Twitchy Physicist, and Charlotte the Bitchy Bitch (or as Rose likes to call her, "Red"). So Twitchy has a little crush on Bitchy. But of course, Twitchy looks like he's never been with a woman and would have a crush on any female that would hold still.

"I Know You Understand Me"
I can't stand that Jin's a dead man walkin'. Good for him for calling out Big Red on her ability to speak Korean. What else is Bitchy hiding?

You Cut Me Deep, Juliet
Juliet knows how to cut a man in more than one way. After the miraculously smooth surgery (wait, isn't she a fertility researcher? Where did she learn to perform surgery like that?), Juliet totally set up Jack and Kate to, like, ya know, get their feelings out in the open for eachother because ya know Jack totally like-likes Kate and they're totally gonna get married and have a thousand babies and stuff.

Ugh, I'm already sick of this forced love triangle. Enough already! Kate quit leading men on like this and pick one already and cut the other one free once and for all! I hate women like Kate. Oh wait, I also happen to really just hate Kate (stupid bucktooth, beaver-faced, gullible victim, "I'm going with you" girl!).

Playing House
Future Jack and Future Kate are playing house with Future Aaron - which of course is funny since last time we saw these crazy kids (at Future Kate's trial), Future Jack was nowhere near ready to face Future Aaron. So what changed his mind? He claimed to Future Hurley that it was the trial, but my Lost B.S. Detector is going off.

All is Not Well in Hurley Land
Poor Future Hurley isn't doing so well - but then again, I wouldn't be doing well either if I was convinced that I was dead. Future Hugo claims that Charlie comes to talk to him everyday and has convinced him that they're all dead. Now of course, we (in our best Jack voices) immediately proclaim that this could be a Dave in Charlie clothing. But I think instead that it's the Island talking to Future Hurley everyday. After all, the Island recognized Hurley as a pretty important messenger when it showed him Jacob's cabin. Or could it really be Ghost Charlie?

You Have One New Message
Future Jack, who's living the life of Malibu Ken, got a very disturbing message from Charlie the Island Spirit: "You're not supposed to raise him, Jack". Captain Denial immediately bucks this message by asking Future Buck Tooth to marry him. Good, Jack. That'll make everything better. Because marriage suits both of you so well. Thank jeebus that Jack's coworker pointed out that an engagement isn't supposed to leave you sweating your shorts and seeing things. We were all thinking it.

All Dead
Could the Oceanic Six all be dead? Future Hurley claims that their happiness (or lack thereof) is proof that they're in the afterlife and don't realize it (until Charlie blows Future Hurley's mind - a mind that really didn't need to be blown). I highly doubt they're all dead. Mainly my main argument is regarding Sayid: His "afterlife" experience doesn't make much sense. Even if his soul's being punished by losing Nadia, his resulting rampage of assassinations don't make much sense. And if Future Aaron was dead, wouldn't his afterlife include Claire? And wouldn't Sun's afterlife include Jin? Or, alternately if she was being punished, wouldn't she never get to meet her daughter then? I think Future Hurley's being mislead by a very mean island which has no regard for the mental wellbeing of our favorite tubby friend.

I Am The Ghost Of Island Future
As a parting shot at Future Jack, Future Hurley (in no way sounding like Jacob Marley) warns that Future Jack will be visited by another soon. Oh, I can't wait for this to go down! Who could it be?

Clonazepam, The Lost Drug of Choice
A little shout-out to my prescription friend, Clonazepam. It's the anti-anxiety, anti-hallucinatory drug that Pre-Island Hurley and Future Jack both take. And it's how I mellow myself out, too! I'm so hip. (Now if only I could get my Clonazepam tablets to have a little "Lost" logo or Jack's face on them!) Could this one prescription from this episode be the beginning of Future Jack's downward spiral? Does his proposal to Kate happen before their meeting at the airport where Jack talks about flying back and forth across the Pacific hoping to crash? I'm thinking so. Which, of course, means that I think the wedding's off.

Keamy's Men Can't Dig For Shit
The Angry Ghostbuster (aka Miles) hears some whispers and is the first Islander not to get bugged out by it! He recognizes the painful screams of Alex as both her mother and boyfriend are killed. Beneath his feet he discovers the very, very shallow graves of Danielle Rousseau and Karl. Have the Jungle Whispers always just been an imprint of death? If so, then they're nothing to fear, and they've been messing with peoples' minds, making them think they're an omen of evil about to happen.

Bad Career Decisions
Another very important line from this scene: "I didn't sign up for this." So what did you sign up for Miles? I'm still wondering what part the Angry Ghostbuster's going to play in this whole thing.

GI Joe Lives and Is Pissed About It!
We see briefly that Keamy and 4 soldiers have survived Smokey's attack and are headed for the helicopter (with Pilot Frank) to get off the island. This shows us that Pilot Frank definitely knows a lot more than he's let on in the past, but at least we know he's a good guy (and not in the Ben sense of the term). Will Keamy be back? Does he have more GI Joes on the Boat? Or will he just nuke the whole island? (also known as the "Rumsfeldian Maneuver".)


Papa?
Christian Shepard just can't help himself. He just loves to pop up and seriously mess with his kids' minds. Ok, or maybe the Island likes to use Christian Shepard as the greatest mess-you-up tool of all-time. I can respect that.

The funny thing about Claire seeing Christian holding Aaron is that she responds, "Dad?". Funny she calls him that seeing as he hasn't been much of a dad. You'd think she'd call him by another name - or, you know, freak the eff out. What happened to our good ol' "They're trying to take my bye-bay!" Claire?

Who Let Claire Loose in the Jungle Again?
But it turns out Papacita didn't want his grandson - he wanted his daughter. Where has Claire gone? If she left without Aaron it must've been by force, but a force with enough compassion to place Aaron somewhere safe. And of course, now we have to wonder if Claire-bear's gone for good. It seems the writers have been teasing us quite a bit with what they're going to do to off Claire. Will we blow her up while napping? Will she get kidnapped by Ghost Dad? Next week Claire will attempt to water ski over a pool of hungry sharks! Stay tuned...

Best Line of the Episode:

"Watch Your Tone, Red!" -Rose, after Charlotte cops a 'tude with Bernard

Things You Might've Missed:

• Jack reads part of "Alice in Wonderland" to Aaron before bed.
• Future Jack has a new tattoo under his arm, which we see for the first time while he's living with Kate.
• We hear a beep identical to the hatch countdown computer twice this episode: Once from the coffee maker at Kate's house, and again from the smoke detector at Jack's office.
• Future Hurley's staying ath the Santa Rosa Hospital under the care of Dr. Stillman.
• At Kate's house, Jack trips over a Millenium Falcon toy from "Star Wars".
• We learn of two of Future Jack's patients: Ryan Laker (age 36) and Ms. Berenberg.
• Sawyer calls Miles "Donger" at one point, a reference to "Sixteen Candles".

Lost Thoughts: The Shape of Things to Come

Boy, I'll really hand it to the writers of Lost. Their ability to absolutely take my breath away in every episode in amazing. More than once I gripped the sofa not believing what I was seeing or hearing. But since so much happened tonight, let's hash it out.

Jack and the Case of the Tummy Troubles -
Jack is pretty benign this episode (but isn't he always?), except to pop a few pills (wait, I'm getting a vision of your future Jack!) for a self-diagnosed stomach bug. Well there you have it, a neatly framed plot device for not-tonight's episode.

Better Off Than the Other Doc -
The Boater's doc is having more than tummy trouble right now. Poor guy's had his throat slit and ended up in the ocean, washing ashore for the Losties to find. The only trouble is, the Boaters send word that the doc's fine. I'm getting a whiff of more space-time continuim shenanigans. Or could the Boaters be lying to pacify the Island folk?

GI Joe -
Let's all give a big jungle welcome to Martin Keemey (sp?...oh heck, let's just call him GI Joe)! Joe and his army pals are storming the jungle, and have so far shot down Karl, Danielle Rousseau, and Karl's water bottle. And now they have Alex as a bargaining chip to ferret Ben out of his hole. Do the other on-island Boaters know about GI Joe & company? And is the green beret objective to kill everyone on the island, like Ben says? If that's not their objective, then Claire's house must've done something to really piss them off. Watch out other Losties! He hates these houses! More houses!

Like Fish in a Barrel -

The writers...I mean, jungle commandos....did a nice job of picking off the extraneous crash survivors that had to be explained away. What have we learned from this? If you see someone just out the door getting shot, wait a little bit before running to help them. I swear, if one more body went down I would've thought it was an episode of The Family Guy.

Awesome Use of a Gun in a Piano Bench -

This deserves a badass shout-out. Ben quietly playing a sonata on his piano has a sawed-off shotgun ready to rock in the piano bench...you know, just in case. Now that is wicked crazy laugh-outloud awesome.

Farewell, Alex. I Hardly Mocked You -

In a very brutal and gasp-enducing moment, we see GI Joe personally take out Alex with a single bullet to the back of the head - right in full view of Ben. Even this bloodless "family friendly" execution for network tv is gut wrenching to watch. And nearly as wrenching was seeing some true emotion register on Ben's face besides gratification. Mark this as the point in the series where the game escalates and all the rules have changed - as it appropriately marked by Ben's comments "He changed the rules". Clearly, Ben thought that Papa Widmore wouldn't go after his daughter. Ben thought wrong.

Unleash the Dogs of War -

Apparently the changing of the "rules" between Ben and Papa Widmore entailed Ben not unleashing the Security System Smoke Monster Beastie on any commandos that raid his town. But with poor Alex's lifeless corpse just outside his livingroom window, I think Ben changed his mind. As we learn this episode, the "controls" or "command center" for the Smoke Beastie are hidden in Ben's suit vault, behind the suits, behind the false closet back, behind the foot-thick concrete door.

Ben's Frequent Flyer Miles -

This week's flash forward is brought to you by the date 10/24/2005. That's roughly just after Ben mysteriously awakes in the Sahara Desert, caps a couple of Arab riders, steals their horse, and makes for a Tunisian hotel where he's a "preferred customer". I don't know whose face looked more shocked and intimidated during that whole sequence: My face at seeing Ben ride off on a horse like a General going to war, or the poor Concierge lady at the hotel realizing what kind of "preferred customer" Ben is. So why did Ben wake up in the desert? Who left him there? And why was he wearing a coat/jumper with a "Halliwax" label on it? Is that anything like Haliburton? Because those people scare the shit out of me too!

Where's Huey Lewis & The News When You Need Them? -

Something a little fishy about Ben's Tunisian hotel check-in was his lack of certainty about the date - specifically what year it was. Is there still more time travel hijinx afoot? Ugh.

Unlucky in Love -

While we're on Mr. Ben's Wild Ride across Tunisia, we discover the sad fate of poor Sayid - husband....nay, widower...to his beloved Nadia. Sayid had finally found and married his long lost love in LA, California. Only for her to be killed a VERY short time later. How did she die? Clearly it was at the hands of Papa Widmore, or so Sayid easily believes. Why would Papa Widmore still be going after Sayid and Nadia? To find out what they know about the Island's location?

The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship -

In Iraq, we catch up with Sayid mauling Ben at Nadia's funeral procession. Nah, it's not that interesting that this is where their alliance is formed, and where Sayid becomes an indentured servant to Ben, International Man of Mystery. What's more interesting is Ben's pep talk right before Sayid signs on the figurative dotted line: "Once you let your grief become anger, it never goes away." Is Ben only speaking of his grief over Alex? Or does he have a much longer, deeper grief he's been growing for many years?

Why Is Papa Still Alive??? -

So Ben breaks into Papa Widmore's hotel room, catches him fast asleep and snookered on McCutcheon's Whiskey. Game over. Papa should've hired a security squad (come to think of it, where is this mass murderer/conspirator/ne'er-do-weller's security force? Even Dr. Evil had the Fembots and Oddjob.) Anyway, back to Ben sneaking into his unprotected room. Why won't he just cap him right then and there? I know it's not very poetic since then he won't feel the pain of losing a child....yada, yada, yada...but then the Island would be safe, right? I'll go get my gun, we can do it together, BOOM!

Penny, Are Your Ears Burning? -

The price of being a rich kid. All the global assassins want to bump you off in retribution for your dad faking a commercial airline crash, hunting for a secret supernatural island, assassinating other daughters, and killing hundreds of innocent people. Poor little rich girl.

I Just Feel Bad For Desmond -

Com'on! It'd be nice for just one sweet adorable in-love couple to make it and find happiness in the normal outside world. We know it can't happen for Alex and Karl. Or Charlie and Claire. Or Sayid and Nadia. Or Sayid and Shannon. Or Kate and Jack. Or Kate and Sawyer. But why did they have to kill my buzz about Desmond and Penn? Damon and Carlton, who hurt you to make you hate love so much? WHO?

Stolen Property -

Just as Ben is announcing the vendetta against Penn, Papa Widmore drops a bombshell for the home audience - he once had control of the island (the Dharma Initiative, maybe?). And the way he sees it, Ben stole it from him. Nah, this doesn't answer anything or give us many more clues. But it's a tiny piece of the puzzle nonetheless.

FAVORITE QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:

"Australia's the key to the whole game." - Hurley says to Sawyer while playing a game of Risk

THINGS YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED:

• When Ben is bluffing to get to Papa Widmore's hotel room, he says he's going to see "Mr. & Mrs. Kendrick in 4E".


• The fence security code Alex punched in - which triggered the invasion alarm to Ben - was 1622. That is also the year of the Jamestown Massacre.


• When Ben encounters the desert riders, he speaks to them in Turkish, Arabic, and English, proving that Ben is multilingual.


• One of the desert riders notes that Ben did not leave a trail in the sand, asking "Where did he come from? Down from the sky?"


• Claire's put on a bit of weight, especially in the face - suggesting this actress might be pregnant. It's always fun to watch them play the game of "hide the belly" through episodes!

Lost Thoughts: Meet Kevin Johnson

If you weren't questioning your Lost loyalties before now, this episode certainly should have done the trick. Widmore? Ben? Who to hate? Who to hate? Maybe we should hate Michael! Although, thankfully he didn't once shout "Waaaaaaaalt!" tonight. So instead of hatin', I'll just have to tell you what I thought of the whole darn episode.

Family Meeting -
Locke holds a meeting with the Lockettes (in case you've forgotten, that's what I'm calling his groupies living in the Others' barracks) to come clean and divulge his plan. It's not a big plan, really. They're all going to protect Ben. Sure he doesn't say how, or with what, or for how long...(that we saw!)...but at least Locke has a purpose, and we all know he works much better with a purpose.

Miles and the Mind Games -
Is it just me, or is Miles completely messing with Locke and the Lockettes all the time? He whispers to John about how Ben is eating desserts instead of being pistol whipped in a boat house with a grenade stuffed in his mouth (jealous, Miles?). And lets it slip that if Ben is captured everyone on the island will die. Oh, and he'll keep his mouth shut for a few million bucks. Something just isn't right here about how Miles is working the system. It's very Ben-like. Could Miles be working for Ben? I've considered before that the millions Miles wants is actually a code between him and Ben. I'm just saying...

By the way, did you notice how the Boater is being held hostage in a boat house? Ha! These writers have a great sense of humor!

Captain Smaaaaash! -
Don't try to jump ship or Captain Boater is going to beat the tar out of you...out of love. Remember people, he's doing this to save your lives. But is the Captain really that afraid of people getting the Flashies Syndrome? Does he really care if his people die? (Sure didn't seem to phase him when they jump off his deck with chains strapped to their bodies.) Why sound a loud alarm across the whole ship when someone makes for a raft? It just seems to be a little overkill there, Cappy. Oh, and did you notice how the Desertion Alarm is the same sound as the hatch computer alarm to push the button??

Michael's Song -
And we thought Future Jack was F-ed up! It turns out after getting Walt off the island Michael was carrying around a little guilt about Libby and Ana Lucia. So he tries to kill himself...with a car....and a dumpster. What an odd and potentially very painful way to off yourself. I'm tryin' not to judge here, but daaaaaaamn.

Libby the Friendly Ghost -
While in the hospital from his first suicide attempt, Michael sees a vision of Libby as a nurse coming to bring him...(wait for it)....BLANKETS! Ha! More props to the writers for style points.
Waaaaaaaalt! -
Father of the Year, Michael, decides that after his vehicular suicide attempt he wants to see Walt again. Only then do we learn that Walt is with Grandma Dawson and doesn't want to speak to Michael because of that murdering two innocent people in cold blood thing. And Grandma Dawson doesn't want to speak to Michael because she has to keep their survival and identities a secret. You'd think she'd just be grateful to have her son back, but noooo! Why didn't Michael come clean about who he was publicly and try to tell officials the truth? I know Ben said no one would believe him, but shouldn't he try? For his friends? And for his son's sense of identity?

The Return of Mr. Friendly -
Man, I missed Tom. It was so good to hear his burly voice again and watch him mock a Lostie just like old times. This time he recruits Michael into working for Ben aboard our famous Boaters' boat (obviously this happened before the island showdown where Sawyer takes Tom down for good). This way Michael gets to redeem himself a bit to the Losties and the universe (in a sick way) and maybe he can get killed in the process. And thank goodness! Because that gun thang wasn't working at all. Tom lets him know that the island won't let him kill himself. The Island's "powers" can reach that far? Is the Island watching me right now? What about when I'm on the toilet - does the Island see me then?

More Finger Pointing -
Aside from the creepy Island control bit, Tom has some other helpful info. He tells the Others' side of the faked crash scene story, which is, of course, that Papa Widmore staged the whole thing. And Tom has (authentic?) documents to prove it! Pictures of emptied graves in Thailand where he got hundreds of bodies. Airplane shell receipts with "Widmore Industries" typed at the top. And freighter shipping logs that document the airplane shell and Thai occupants being foisted into a trench at the bottom of the ocean too deep to excavate. Call me naive, but I'm believing Tom here. But who is that handsome Arturo? Anyone special, Tom?

Bomb, ba-bomb, bomb, bomb -
Michael packs his depressed bags and heads to be depressed on Papa Widmore's freighter...with a "bomb" waiting for him so that he may off all of the people on-board (per Tom's request). Except that this bomb just messes with Michael's already fragile state. First Ghost Libby reappears, playing that Mama Cass song again and saying "Don't do it, Michael". Not that he listens...he just presses that very familiar "EXECUTE" button, and...nothing. He gets a little note that reads "Not yet". Disappointing.

The Boaters Know -
Elsewhere on the freighter Michael meets the Boaters who are headed to the island as part of the "science team". Except that I'm guessing they know Michael isn't just a janitor. Miles calls him out for having a fake name right away, saying that 80% of the people on the boat have secrets. Really, Miles? Like what? What other major secrets could all the Boaters be keeping? And then Pilot Frank just happens to spew out a convenient "secret" to the janitor about how Papa Widmore's a hero for trying to save all of those lost souls from the plane crash. They know more than they're letting on, mark my words!

Reach Out and Touch Someone -
Ben rings up Michael on the freighter (which was pretty ballsy if you ask me) to give him new orders, since his fake bomb of mercy didn't work. Why was Ben so surprised that Michael actually tried to detonate the bomb? Especially if he wanted Michael to learn a lesson of the Others' mercy? In any event, now Michael has to make one of Ben's famous lists, and then dismantle the boat.

Traitor -
Sayid pulled one heck of a Jack move tonight. Normally Sayid is the type to sit back and watch a situation play out to work it to his own advantage. But Sayid reacts with emotion tonight, like dear old Jack, and he turns Michael in to the Captain as the saboteur. Ouch. Well, Future Sayid does end up regretting acting with his heart instead of his head at an unknown time. Could this be it? Will Sayid grow to rue the day he betrayed Michael?

He Hates These Cans!...More Cans!
Back on the island Ben is acting as though danger is really closing in. So he instructs Alex to go with Karl and Rousseau to The Temple - "the last safe place" on the island. A sanctuary. But apparently not a sanctuary for babies or young mothers or scared plane crash victims. No, only for jungle teens. But sadly for us - and of course, Alex - they shouldn't have listened to Ben. Somewhere in the jungle a sniper waits and picks off Love Karl with a single bullet. And then shortly after takes down Rousseau too. Did Ben send these snipers? And is Rousseau really dead? I'm willing to believe that Karl's a goner. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for my favorite crazy French woman.


GREATEST LINE OF THE EPISODE:

"It's a cold night. I brought you some extra blankets." -Spirit Libby to Michael

THINGS YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED:

• The song playing during Michael's car suicide attempt is "It's Getting Better" by Mama Cass. This is the second time a song of hers has been prominently featured on this show. "Make Your Own Kind of Music" was a regular tune in Season 2 (particularly for Desmond).


• The code to set the bomb off was 71776. This likely stands for July, 1776 - Independence Day.


• We see three reminders in this episode of the Hatch and the button they all had to push back in Season 2. First, the siren alerting the freighter that there are deserters was the same as the computer warning that time was running out. Second, the bomb has an EXECUTE button which greatly resembles the same button they had to hit on the computer. Third, Mama Cass music played just as we heard regularly during the hatch season.


• The watch Michael pawned to buy a gun was Jin's.


• The boat's name is Kaha_____? It is not "Katarina" as I had initially guessed.


• Tom is staying at the penthouse of the Hotel Earle, which is in NYC.

Lost Thoughts: "Ji Yeon"

I'm still wiping the tears out of my eyes from the end of tonight's episode, so let me get right to it so I can go blow my nose soon.

Regina Goes For a Dive -
Regina, we hardly knew you. One moment you're guarding Desmond and Sayid's boat room, reading books upside down...and the next you're throwing yourself off the side of the ship, wrapped in heavy chains. What was so bad on that ship that she preferred death? Did she have the Flashies (as I call the Desmond flashing illness)? Could that explain why she was unaware of her surroundings and pretending to read an upside down book?

Kitchen Troubles -
Regina's hijinx aren't the only monkey business on the boat. Pilot Frank brings our Lostie boys some grub....and by grub he means several unopened cans of lima beans in a paper grocery bag - as if he just ran down to the Piggly Wiggly. According to Pilot Frank, the lima beans are because there's a "little problem in the kitchen". If lima beans in a tin can equals a little problem, I'd like to know what the crap a big problem would've brought them....fecal matter on a plate? So what was this kerfuffle in the kitchen? Seriously, what spat between the chef or the servers could've caused all other foodstuffs to disappear? (After all Pilot Frank does feel kindly toward the Losties, and he wouldn't usually want them to die from gagging on lima beans.) Is someone holding the chocolate cake and cheeseburgers hostage?

And what is that rhythmic banging that is annoying not only Des and Sayid, but also the viewers at home? Can't be morse code - it doesn't sound right and Sayid would've caught it.

Oh Captain, My Captain! -
There's been a lot of brouhaha leading up to the appearance of Captain Answers - lots of mumbling from the Boaters about how angry and mean the Captain is. How he has a bad side. When Sayid says he wants to talk to the Captain, why does Pilot Frank say "No you don't."? Is it because Frank, too, knows the Captain is lying? Or is there more to Captain Answers than we've seen? (ok, that last one's a dumb question, we've all watched this show long enough to know there's more to it...)

So It Was a Bad Note -
"Don't Trust the Captain". Great, just great. We finally get a character on this show that will give us some answers (keep reading...). I want to jump through my television and kiss this Captain, and here we have a mystery guest - ok who are we kidding? We all know it's Michael. We've all known since before tonight's episode - telling us not to get too attached to his answers. Here's an idea! Maybe if Ben would've been a little more forthcoming earlier with answers, the Losties would know on their own not to trust the Captain, and wouldn't have to rely on "Kevin Johnson" to pass them notes. Did you ever think of that, Ben? Answers man, answers!

Time To Take Sides -
But here's the real question - can we trust Janitor Kevin? He's on Ben's side. So I guess it depends which side you think is good and which side is evil. The Others or the Boaters? As an audience we're being asked to make a choice in this episode (note the parallel with Sun's dilemma on the beach - more on that later...).

Nice to Meet You, Hope You Guess My Name -
So this is Captain Gault, the notorious nogoodnik leader of the Boaters within the confines of the boat...which would kind of make him Boris Badinov, and Papa Widmore Fearless Leader. Cool. He has a touch of the verbal diarrhea and is amazing forthcoming with selective bits of information without any obvious explanation of why he chooses to explain what he does. For instance, he just happens to think Des & Sayid need to know about the Black Box that Charles Widmore allegedly procured from the faked wreckage of Flight 815. Sure, they can learn all about the black box right here and now, but they have no right to know what the crap is going on the kitchen.

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies -
The black box revelation that Captain Answers...reveals...suggests that it was Benjamin Linus who staged the plane crash wreckage. Assuming Captain Answers is even telling the truth, would that mean that Ben use the real black box from 815? You would suppose not, because then it would reveal something's not right about the fake crash site. But if Ben were to use a fake black box, how would one even make such a thing and where would he get it? Of course for that matter, where the heck does one get a commercial airliner and 324 dead bodies?

Me thinks it's a little convenient that El Capitan is making hostility toward Benjamin Linus a personal matter for the Losties. Yep, I'm sure the Captain's not interested in their cooperation at all...no siree....

Men of Vast Resources -
Of course, since Kevin Johnson warns us not to trust Captain Answers, we have to wonder, was it really Ben who faked the crash? Or was it Charles Widmore? Both are men of vast resources who could pull it off. So could it be that the black box we saw tonight was the real one from 815, and Charles Widmore wanted to procure it to make sure the truth about 815 remained hidden since he staged the crash site? Making Ben and the Others the good guys all along like they promised? Whup, now I'm dizzy again.

Hey, Where'd Frank Go? -
Oh, and just as a quick side note, yeah Pilot Frank is running an "errand" to the island. Either that or to his magical Piggly Wiggly to buy some more lima beans. What kind of errand does he need to run in the middle of the night that he can't be late for? I'm sure we'll find out very soon...

Back on the Island -
Sun starts freakin' out about the lack of rescuing action by the Boaters, threatens to leave, and forces Juliet to ruin her marriage. Nice going, Juliet. Actually, after Juliet reveals to Jin that Sun had an affair and feared it wasn't his baby, things get better between them. Jin has a heart-to-heart with Sun admitting that he was a bad man and that he's a new kinder, gentler hitman now.
Sadly, I see what's coming at this point. We're tying up Jin's character too neatly. He has no more growth to share with us, no more development. This means his character has run his course.

Welcome to the World, Ji Yeon! -
Sun is our final member of the Oceanic Six. A smile goes out to her and her newborn baby girl. But as soon as laboring Sun starts to wrestle for her wedding ring and calls out Jin's name obsessively...I know this won't end well.

Father and Daughter, Together At Last -
They played that music - you know, the music they play whenever anyone dies or says goodbye to someone they love. That damn music. I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs every time I hear it. They could play that music and show me a blank screen and I'd sob like a baby. So naturally, I sobbed all the way through Sun's visit to Jin's grave with their daughter. It was very touching that Hurley came with her. Why was it such an event that Hurley would travel though? It wasn't the funeral. Maybe the anniversary of his death? Is Jin's death all part of the guilt that's eating away at Jack? Is that why Hurley's the only one to show up even though they all have free lifetime airline passes?

OTHER QUESTIONS:

-Where is Walt?
-Why the name Kevin Johnson?
-Whose blood splatter is on the wall of Des & Sayid's new luxury suite?
-How does Jin die?

THINGS YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED:

• The book that Regina is "reading" upside down is "The Survivors of the Chancellor: Diary of J. R. Kazallon, Passenger", an 1875 novel written by Jules Verne about the final voyage of a boat called the Chancellor, told from the perspective of one of its passengers in diary form. (foreshadowing?)


• The Boater's boat appears to be named "Katarina" ("Overboard" reference, anyone? Arturo!)


• In Sun's future apartment, there's a tv on in the background and you can see the episode of "Expose" playing. It's the same episode we saw Nikki guest starring in. Razzle Dazzle!


• Jin's tombstone says he died September 22, 2004 - the date of the crash.


• In Jin's sad flashback, the shopkeep mentions it's the Year of the Dragon - which would've been 2000. That pinpoints the year when Sun and Jin got married, 4 years before the crash.

THE OCEANIC SIX

1. Jack

2. Kate

3. Hurley

4. Sayid

5. Aaron

6. Sun

Lost Thoughts: "The Other Woman"

The writers and producers were just playing with us this episode, dangling lots of catnip answers in front of us, and some of them we didn't even get to play with. So here's what I noticed about the episode.

Lean on me....skank!-
Ahhh, that's better. Getting back to good ol' island life feels good again. And this time we saw Juliet fresh on the island and having a therapy session with a catty snarl-faced woman named Doc Harper (sounds like a bad Fox Drama - Dr. Harper Stanhope, Island Psychiatrist). But what's this, Doc Harper is Goodwin's wife? Uh-oh. Juliet, you slut! We know from previous seasons that Juliet and Goodwin heat up the sheets. So I guess it's ok that Doc Harper was so snotty to Juliet. I forgive you, Doc.

Tom is a Pimp-
Just a shout-out to crash-era Tom's pimpin' moustache.

"You Look Just Like Her"-
Doc Harper and Juliet have a little chat about Ben and his "intense" affection for Jules (right before getting nasty about Juliet boffing her husband). Juliet comments that he certainly seems to like her a lot, to which Doc quips "of course he does, you look just like her...". We have no idea who "her" is. So are you ready for a radical theory? Well, Juliet's been noted to resemble another woman on the show one time before - Jack's wife. What if....just what if Jack's ex-wife left Jack for Ben? What if Sarah and Ben have a past? And what if the resemblance between Sarah and Juliet fans the flames of desire for Ben?

Home Sweet Home-
Just as Ben lied to Juliet when she first got to the island about making her a comfortable home for her "extended" 6-month stay, so Juliet lies as well. She tells Sun that she's fixing her tent on the beach just to prepare for the night. But what we know about parallels in this show tells us that Juliet knows that the Beachies aren't going anywhere anytime soon. She's settling in for the long haul. What else does Juliet know about what's about to go down?

Paging Dr. Stanhope-
Juliet's deep in the jungle during a rainstorm. The whispers start. And then Doc Harper appears. The real Doc Harper...not a spirit Doc Harper like I was initially fooled into believing (what? Juliet could've offed her in a jealous rage!). Anyway, she has a message from Ben to deliver to Juliet...and apparently she traveled by Whisper Express to deliver it. What the heck are those whispers? And why did they precede the Doc's appearance? Note they also could be heard just as Doc vanishes mysteriously too. Is there some form of travel (time travel?) that we're still not aware of?

Ben's Message-
Thanks to Doc Harper's Ben-o-gram, we learn that Twitchy the Physicist and Charlotte are headed to the island's electrical station called "The Tempest". Cool another hatch. I've missed them. Apparently there is a large store of deadly gas contained by The Tempest - deadly enough to kill every last person on the island. Or so Ben says. Twitchy and Charlotte seem to agree with him, so I will as well.

The Puppetmaster-
Amazing. Ben's still pulling the strings even though he's tied up tight in his own basement. Doc Harper says he's "just where he wants to be". Somehow, I have no trouble believing that. But how can he summon the doc or discover what the Boaters are up to from his basement? I hate to admit it, but now even I am jumping on the time travel theory bandwagon. Oh, how I have resisted!

Some Serious Gas-
Well Charlotte and Twitchy appear to have actually saved all the islanders from certain gaseous doom....naturally, it had to happen via a nail-biting scene thick with musical score and sweating. Good job, Boaters. And Charlotte (who I will hence forth refer to as "Bitchy") makes a very valid point, don't we believe that Ben would kill them all in a heartbeat? Yeah, I do too.

The Return of Puppetmaster-
We already know that Ben had been busy (at some point in time) dispatching Doc Harper to tell Juliet where Bitchy and Twitchy were headed and what they were going to do. But apparently Ben also gives instructions to Juliet to shoot them. When did Juliet get these instructions, and when was she supposed to shoot them? Because last I saw she was fixing her tent on the beach and not putting a bullet in their brains. So it appears almost as if she didn't know her job was to kill them until she got to The Tempest. Or was she just laying low all along waiting for the right time? Something weird is going on.

Meanwhile Back at Lockeland....
Ben has a video for Locke to watch. No, not the Red Sox game, although that in-joke has now given us a very tantalizing teaser about the events on the tape. We see the Boater's leader, Papa Widmore, beating the tar out of some poor soul, identified by Ben as one of "his men". Who is this man of Ben's? And how did he fall into Papa Widmore's hands? He might be someone we all know since this event happened after the Sox won the World Series and after Juliet showed him the tape in the Hydra Station (could it be an Islander?). Also, it seems to me that Papa Widmore isn't the kind of guy who's bashful about using a gun. So why doesn't he just shoot the guy? Why stage this whole beating scene? Also, did anyone eles find it odd that Papa Widmore is the one doing the beating? Doesn't Papa Widmore have some goons to do that kind of work? The whole thing seems very staged. Which of course brings us to the mystery of who the cameraman is. Someone of Ben's employ is just sitting around waiting to film him. What's the point of filming that scene? Who is the cameraman anyway, and what happened to him once Papa Widmore saw him there? Clearly someone made it out alive (maybe a little battered from a Papa beating) to bring the tape to the island.

Leader!-
Not terribly surprised to learn that Papa Widmore is the leader of the Boaters. Although now you really have to wonder if it was an accident that Desmond just happened to get marooned on the very island that Papa Widmore is interested in. Could it be that Papa Widmore somehow sabotaged Desmond into landing there? What purpose would that serve him? It just goes to show that Penn and Papa Widmore are clearly not working in conjunction if Penn isn't aware of Papa's easy access to Desmond, and the fact that Penn isn't even aware "the boat" exists. Or maybe, just maybe could Penn be lying? Is she more like her father than we give her credit for?

Island Adventure World Theme Park-
Get mauled by smokey monsters! Escape daring pointy stick traps! Buckle up for the plane-down-the-cliff ride. It's all here at Island Adventure World Theme Park! Yeah, see I don't think that sounds right either. So why does Papa Widmore want the island? I don't buy what Ben's shoveling about Papa wanting to commercialize the joint. It wouldn't be worth all this trouble and secrecy. Something else is going on...

Oh, and I hope you don't really believe for one heartbeat that Ben has now played ALL the tricks up his sleeve as he claims to Locke at this point. Ha!

You Belong to Me -
Man, when Ben gets a crush on someone, look out! So Juliet is "his". This explains why he's held her on the island so long. Now we know why Goodwin wasn't recalled after Ethan's death highlighted the danger of their missions. Now we know why Tom once explained to Jack that "Ben and Juliet have history". And now we know the real reason Juliet's been so hostile toward Ben. Man, sucks to be stalked by one of the most powerful and terrifying men on the planet, doesn't it Juliet? Maybe that's what you get for being a marriage-ending ho bag!

Jack's a Pimp Too-
But not because of a moustache. He's got the ladies dripping all over him. Ohhh, Kate needs tender healing. Ohhhh, Juliet needs saving from the big bad Ben - a kiss should do it! Jack's got at least one smart cookie on his hands though (and no, it's not Kate, the woman who only exists to get captured or beat over the head). It's pretty smart of Juliet to anticipate Ben's actions as she does. I think we can all foresee Ben winning this war, and his vengeance raining down on all those who tried to take what is his.

By the way, did anyone else notice the parallels drawn between Kate and Juliet? Kate (as always) easily falls for the trap of getting clocked in the back of the head by Bitchy. But when Bitchy tries to clock Juliet the same way, Juliet anticipates it, dodges, and beats the crap out of Bitchy. Let's face it, Kate's an anchor and Juliet's a badass. We all know which one Jack should pick.

Tune in Next Time...
So next week we find out Ben's contact on the boat and the final Oceanic Six member. I'm calling it right now that not only is Michael the boat contact, but either Michael or Walt are the Sixth Oceanicer....ah you know what I mean!

BEST LINE OF THE EPISODE:
Juliet: "It's very stressful being an Other, Jack."

THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE NOTICED:

• Ben's safe combination is: 36-15-28


• At first you might think the title "Other Woman" is Doc Harper, the newcomer to the show. But really it is more likely to be Juliet - who comes between not only Doc Harper and Goodwin, but also Kate and Jack.


• The Boaters have a map of the island, but funny enough most of the map is just labeled with ?s. They only have two on-island spots marked - the camp and The Tempest.

Doc Harper photo cred

All other photos cred