I promise to try not and harp too much on how much I loathe Jessie and his tiny little pin head. Or his smuggy smugness. Wait, I've already gone and broken my vow. Crap. Well, I can't much help it, can I? This sunday's episode was called "Jessie's Muscle Magic" starring Jessie. There's just nothing else to talk about, people! Let's all hope things pick up more in up-coming episodes.
EPISODE RECAP:
Last Episode's Eviction -
Brian's out because he cheesed off pretty much everyone in the house by overplaying the game. The lone vote to keep him was Dan. Not because Dan's such an "honorable" man as he claims, but because there was nothing in it for Dan to vote otherwise. Ten bucks and the last Twinkie says that Dan would've flipped on Brian in a heartbeat if he'd been cornered in the bathroom by a pack of wild women.
HOH Competition -
Jessie wins. There's a ping in my brain and my right side goes cold. This once again proves that these "what would the other guests vote" survey competitions are absurd and boring. But this competition does create a very interesting division in the house. In one corner we have the pro-Brian clique staring at the feet sullenly after Jessie's victory: Angie, Steven, Renny, and Dan.
In the other corner we have the power clique that rub Jessie's muscles and tell him how strong and smart he is: Libra, Michelle, Ollie, April, Memphis, Keesha, and Jerry. They even let Jessie win at games of "chest" (as he calls it). And they compliment his back fat all the time, because as Jessie reminds them, "You all know exactly what my back looks like, right?"
Jessie and Jessie's HOH room -
Jessie can now make sweet, sweet love to himself. His room is stocked with all the porn he needs - muscle shots of himself on every wall. Those poor bastahd housemates of his are stuck in there listening to him talk about his back fat, muscle mass, and "all 18 inches" that apparently the camera can't "get". Gross. Steven is the only lucky duck who was lying down with a headache when the group moved up to Muscle Palace. And Jessie is mad. Smassshhh. How dare he disrespect Jessie's muscles this way by not seeing his HOH room! Dude.
Food Competition -
There's a French wine theme where "red wine" (read: Cherry Kool-aid) pours into two large wine vats on platforms - one for each team. The wine vats are full of holes that two teammates on each side must plug with corks tossed to them by teammates on the ground. To earn points, the opposite team collects the wine that trickles through the uncorked holes in the wine barrel. The team who collects the most wine wins. Phew! That was unnecessarily convoluted, but I could see myself creating that game after my second bottle of Pinot, so fair enough, producers. The randomly divided teams don't even need to play this out. All of the old and slow people are on one team, the young and strong people are on the other. Guess who wins? This means that Libra, Keesha, Renny, April, Memphis, and Jerry are all on slop. Again.
Nominations -
Steven and Dan go on the block. Dan because he sided with Brian. Steven because he disses the Muscle Palace and didn't pay his respects at the gun show. The best part is that Jessie really, really, really, really wanted Renny out. So much he kept screaming into a pillow and kicking his legs about it. But the housemates wouldn't let him put her up for strategic reasons (you hear that, Jessie? Stra-te-gy. Look it up.). Haha, he's still not in control, even when he's HOH. What a tool.
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