Cabin Fever Warning

In this depressing craphole called Michigan this winter is dragging on longer than the Olsen Twins' careers, and it's just as ugly. If I can't open my windows soon and get some fresh warm air in my lungs for the first time in 5 months, I'm going to snap and start spray painting my lawn green.

In a related topic, does anyone know the best way to glue construction paper leaves to a real tree? Do staples go through branches?

If anybody needs me I'll be trying to smell the sunshine inside a pitcher of daiquiries.