Super Happy Most Excellent Picture #9

A quick warning to Nintendo Wii owners. I received this notification by email, warning me of disturbing Wii malfunctions that have been occuring. To help prevent these problems in your personal Wii unit, please follow the illustrated instructions below. If it isn't already too late...

"Mogwii"

Dea-gle, deagle-deagle-deagle!

The Case of the Vanishing Clothes Pins

My magical basement of remodeling wonders has already produced some very mysterious events - prophetic flooding plants, the unearthing of ancient Pixie Stix, etc. But now there is a new wonder coming from our basement - and this one frightens me the most of all, I think.

My poor little strange cat has decided that she needs to funnel wooden clothes pins from a laundry tote in the basement to our upstairs area, like a little kitty underground railroad. She brings them when no one is watching, howling all the way.

Why does she bring them?
Why are they here?
Is she going to kill me in my sleep?

With all these questions swimming in my head, I decided my best tactic was to start tracking the clothes pins, praying to God that they weren't multiplying. So I started "tagging" them. Each clothes pin was given a special tracking number with a green felt tip pen. And then I watched.

And they kept coming.

So far we're up to #14. I call him Hank. Please stay tuned as this breaking story unfolds and we find out just what on earth the kitty clothes pins mean, and if she's going to spell out any Satanic verse with them.

To Fill The Lost Void

I know so many of you, like myself, are heartbroken about not having a new episode of Lost tonight. For any of you who might be experiencing Charlie Pace-level withdrawal symptoms (shakiness, claminess, vomiting, the sweats), here's a little filler - nay - a little Captain Jack to get you by tonight....and take you to your special Island.

Cabin Fever Warning

In this depressing craphole called Michigan this winter is dragging on longer than the Olsen Twins' careers, and it's just as ugly. If I can't open my windows soon and get some fresh warm air in my lungs for the first time in 5 months, I'm going to snap and start spray painting my lawn green.

In a related topic, does anyone know the best way to glue construction paper leaves to a real tree? Do staples go through branches?

If anybody needs me I'll be trying to smell the sunshine inside a pitcher of daiquiries.

Laugh Break!

Hey, it's the very beginning of the week. TV sucks tonight. We could all use a few laughs to help jet propel us through this ugly March week. So I have a video for you that is GUARANTEED to have you laughing.

Now, you've got to give it an honest shot. It takes a minute or so to really get rolling. But I promise you your money back and can of soggy leaves if you aren't laughing out loud by the end of this video!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled boring Monday night.

Super Happy Most Excellent Picture #8

This is a shout-out to my Christian friends who celebrated chocolate Jesus day yesterday. I hope you all had a very tasty and spiritual Easter. I know I did my part by overeating and putting on 3 pounds, even though I don't celebrate.

So just for the Easter crowd I have a very special sign to hang in your cubicle, in your bathroom, or at any religious holiday gathering of your choosing.

"Righteous Sign"

I hope you all had a very happy holiday!

Lost Thoughts: Meet Kevin Johnson

If you weren't questioning your Lost loyalties before now, this episode certainly should have done the trick. Widmore? Ben? Who to hate? Who to hate? Maybe we should hate Michael! Although, thankfully he didn't once shout "Waaaaaaaalt!" tonight. So instead of hatin', I'll just have to tell you what I thought of the whole darn episode.

Family Meeting -
Locke holds a meeting with the Lockettes (in case you've forgotten, that's what I'm calling his groupies living in the Others' barracks) to come clean and divulge his plan. It's not a big plan, really. They're all going to protect Ben. Sure he doesn't say how, or with what, or for how long...(that we saw!)...but at least Locke has a purpose, and we all know he works much better with a purpose.

Miles and the Mind Games -
Is it just me, or is Miles completely messing with Locke and the Lockettes all the time? He whispers to John about how Ben is eating desserts instead of being pistol whipped in a boat house with a grenade stuffed in his mouth (jealous, Miles?). And lets it slip that if Ben is captured everyone on the island will die. Oh, and he'll keep his mouth shut for a few million bucks. Something just isn't right here about how Miles is working the system. It's very Ben-like. Could Miles be working for Ben? I've considered before that the millions Miles wants is actually a code between him and Ben. I'm just saying...

By the way, did you notice how the Boater is being held hostage in a boat house? Ha! These writers have a great sense of humor!

Captain Smaaaaash! -
Don't try to jump ship or Captain Boater is going to beat the tar out of you...out of love. Remember people, he's doing this to save your lives. But is the Captain really that afraid of people getting the Flashies Syndrome? Does he really care if his people die? (Sure didn't seem to phase him when they jump off his deck with chains strapped to their bodies.) Why sound a loud alarm across the whole ship when someone makes for a raft? It just seems to be a little overkill there, Cappy. Oh, and did you notice how the Desertion Alarm is the same sound as the hatch computer alarm to push the button??

Michael's Song -
And we thought Future Jack was F-ed up! It turns out after getting Walt off the island Michael was carrying around a little guilt about Libby and Ana Lucia. So he tries to kill himself...with a car....and a dumpster. What an odd and potentially very painful way to off yourself. I'm tryin' not to judge here, but daaaaaaamn.

Libby the Friendly Ghost -
While in the hospital from his first suicide attempt, Michael sees a vision of Libby as a nurse coming to bring him...(wait for it)....BLANKETS! Ha! More props to the writers for style points.
Waaaaaaaalt! -
Father of the Year, Michael, decides that after his vehicular suicide attempt he wants to see Walt again. Only then do we learn that Walt is with Grandma Dawson and doesn't want to speak to Michael because of that murdering two innocent people in cold blood thing. And Grandma Dawson doesn't want to speak to Michael because she has to keep their survival and identities a secret. You'd think she'd just be grateful to have her son back, but noooo! Why didn't Michael come clean about who he was publicly and try to tell officials the truth? I know Ben said no one would believe him, but shouldn't he try? For his friends? And for his son's sense of identity?

The Return of Mr. Friendly -
Man, I missed Tom. It was so good to hear his burly voice again and watch him mock a Lostie just like old times. This time he recruits Michael into working for Ben aboard our famous Boaters' boat (obviously this happened before the island showdown where Sawyer takes Tom down for good). This way Michael gets to redeem himself a bit to the Losties and the universe (in a sick way) and maybe he can get killed in the process. And thank goodness! Because that gun thang wasn't working at all. Tom lets him know that the island won't let him kill himself. The Island's "powers" can reach that far? Is the Island watching me right now? What about when I'm on the toilet - does the Island see me then?

More Finger Pointing -
Aside from the creepy Island control bit, Tom has some other helpful info. He tells the Others' side of the faked crash scene story, which is, of course, that Papa Widmore staged the whole thing. And Tom has (authentic?) documents to prove it! Pictures of emptied graves in Thailand where he got hundreds of bodies. Airplane shell receipts with "Widmore Industries" typed at the top. And freighter shipping logs that document the airplane shell and Thai occupants being foisted into a trench at the bottom of the ocean too deep to excavate. Call me naive, but I'm believing Tom here. But who is that handsome Arturo? Anyone special, Tom?

Bomb, ba-bomb, bomb, bomb -
Michael packs his depressed bags and heads to be depressed on Papa Widmore's freighter...with a "bomb" waiting for him so that he may off all of the people on-board (per Tom's request). Except that this bomb just messes with Michael's already fragile state. First Ghost Libby reappears, playing that Mama Cass song again and saying "Don't do it, Michael". Not that he listens...he just presses that very familiar "EXECUTE" button, and...nothing. He gets a little note that reads "Not yet". Disappointing.

The Boaters Know -
Elsewhere on the freighter Michael meets the Boaters who are headed to the island as part of the "science team". Except that I'm guessing they know Michael isn't just a janitor. Miles calls him out for having a fake name right away, saying that 80% of the people on the boat have secrets. Really, Miles? Like what? What other major secrets could all the Boaters be keeping? And then Pilot Frank just happens to spew out a convenient "secret" to the janitor about how Papa Widmore's a hero for trying to save all of those lost souls from the plane crash. They know more than they're letting on, mark my words!

Reach Out and Touch Someone -
Ben rings up Michael on the freighter (which was pretty ballsy if you ask me) to give him new orders, since his fake bomb of mercy didn't work. Why was Ben so surprised that Michael actually tried to detonate the bomb? Especially if he wanted Michael to learn a lesson of the Others' mercy? In any event, now Michael has to make one of Ben's famous lists, and then dismantle the boat.

Traitor -
Sayid pulled one heck of a Jack move tonight. Normally Sayid is the type to sit back and watch a situation play out to work it to his own advantage. But Sayid reacts with emotion tonight, like dear old Jack, and he turns Michael in to the Captain as the saboteur. Ouch. Well, Future Sayid does end up regretting acting with his heart instead of his head at an unknown time. Could this be it? Will Sayid grow to rue the day he betrayed Michael?

He Hates These Cans!...More Cans!
Back on the island Ben is acting as though danger is really closing in. So he instructs Alex to go with Karl and Rousseau to The Temple - "the last safe place" on the island. A sanctuary. But apparently not a sanctuary for babies or young mothers or scared plane crash victims. No, only for jungle teens. But sadly for us - and of course, Alex - they shouldn't have listened to Ben. Somewhere in the jungle a sniper waits and picks off Love Karl with a single bullet. And then shortly after takes down Rousseau too. Did Ben send these snipers? And is Rousseau really dead? I'm willing to believe that Karl's a goner. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for my favorite crazy French woman.


GREATEST LINE OF THE EPISODE:

"It's a cold night. I brought you some extra blankets." -Spirit Libby to Michael

THINGS YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED:

• The song playing during Michael's car suicide attempt is "It's Getting Better" by Mama Cass. This is the second time a song of hers has been prominently featured on this show. "Make Your Own Kind of Music" was a regular tune in Season 2 (particularly for Desmond).


• The code to set the bomb off was 71776. This likely stands for July, 1776 - Independence Day.


• We see three reminders in this episode of the Hatch and the button they all had to push back in Season 2. First, the siren alerting the freighter that there are deserters was the same as the computer warning that time was running out. Second, the bomb has an EXECUTE button which greatly resembles the same button they had to hit on the computer. Third, Mama Cass music played just as we heard regularly during the hatch season.


• The watch Michael pawned to buy a gun was Jin's.


• The boat's name is Kaha_____? It is not "Katarina" as I had initially guessed.


• Tom is staying at the penthouse of the Hotel Earle, which is in NYC.

Askville Answer of the Week: Mr. Crackers Goes to Washington

Since this is the political season (God help us all!), I thought I'd display a follow-up to the "Would you elect my cat as President?" question. This time a parakeet has announced its candidacy. And I hear Hillary is already drafting new legislation to block all parakeet votes and has just leaked information that the parakeet is, in fact, Muslim.

You can always find me on http://www.askville.com/. Just ask for PenguinSage. If you stop in, be sure to tell her that Davy Jones sent ya, and he's agreed to play at the prom!

Book Review: "His Dark Materials" Trilogy

Yesterday late at night I finally finished reading the third and final book of the "His Dark Materials" series, "The Amber Spyglass". Of course, most of you know this series because of the movie made earlier this year, "The Golden Compass", which was based on the first book released.

These books and the subsequent movie stirred up a kettle of controversy related to the author's Atheist beliefs and how they were portrayed in the books. Yes - this author is Atheist. And yes - one of the protagonists in these books sets out to kill God, aka "The Authority". Yes - the major religious group of this fantasy realm (read: the HRC) is portrayed as evil and hypocritical.

But anyone who can't read beyond that and open their minds to exotic and diverse thoughts and beliefs don't belong reading any fantasy stories anyway for fear of breaching the line of heresy.

At its heart this book isn't a controversy, it's a sweet and engaging tale about a young girl named Lyra whose destiny is intertwined with the fates of many worlds. She is an adventurer, a traveler, and a self-proclaimed fantastic liar. She is a hero. And I was proud that she was a she. Not many authors have the nerve to portray a girl/growing woman in such a fierce and intelligent fashion.

But Lyra's infectious personality and spirit are the extent of my enthusiasm for these books. The story is so epic with such a large scope that it seems to lack a much-needed attention span. The author, Philip Pullman, is self-indulgent with developing the landscapes of the worlds. Too many new plot threads are introduced without tying them into the main story arc in a timely manor. The result is that I spend hours of my time wondering why I'm investing myself in characters seemingly unconnected with Lyra, and wondering when I'll get to see her again.

The result was that I found little enjoyment in the second book ("The Subtle Knife") or the first half of "The Amber Spyglass". To Pullman's credit though, the finale of the series was able to pull off - with amazing gusto - an intertwining of all the meandering plots and characters. For this feat alone I will remember these stories fondly and the characters will linger with me. That, and well...because I was moved to tears in the last pages.

"His Dark Materials" Overall Rating: B-

Out With the Cold, In With the Flu

Pardon me as I blow my nose repeatedly while typing this post, but I'm just up and around after having the flu. It's been a dicey few days while I've subsisted on Cheez-Its and Nyquil. On the upside, there's nothing like a good sweatin' fever to help a gal break that weight plateau. So to help celebrate my return to the living world today, I'd like to share with you a bit of poetry inspired by my flu. I wish I could tell you it was written in the fog of the fever...but it wasn't.

Ode to Nyquil

Nyquil, oh Nyquil

My favorite syrupy goo

Red and tasty and potent

You keep me zonked the whole night through

When I feel the sniffles,

The snuffles and the snots,

I do a quick shot of Nyquil,

And I'm so happy I could plotz!

If you have any Nyquil tribute poetry of your own, please send it in to my newly formed Nyquil Fan Club and we will publish it in our bi-monthly newsletter, "Nyquil Always Love You".

Ahhhhhh, it's good to be back!

So Much For Sunday Morning Cartoons!

There are some things in life that take you by such surprise and shock you so greatly, that when you are exposed to them you actually spit while you laugh.

That happened to me this morning while my husband was using his computer. He was in charge of watching our baby daughter who was on the floor playing with her toys. So when I saw him queuing up a Sesame Street video of Sesame Street's Count, I thought, "Isn't that nice?", and then turned my back.

Then this is what I heard next...
(WARNING: For mature viewers only, with a really immature sense of humor)

Now I don't think I can ever watch The Count the same way again!

Lost Thoughts: "Ji Yeon"

I'm still wiping the tears out of my eyes from the end of tonight's episode, so let me get right to it so I can go blow my nose soon.

Regina Goes For a Dive -
Regina, we hardly knew you. One moment you're guarding Desmond and Sayid's boat room, reading books upside down...and the next you're throwing yourself off the side of the ship, wrapped in heavy chains. What was so bad on that ship that she preferred death? Did she have the Flashies (as I call the Desmond flashing illness)? Could that explain why she was unaware of her surroundings and pretending to read an upside down book?

Kitchen Troubles -
Regina's hijinx aren't the only monkey business on the boat. Pilot Frank brings our Lostie boys some grub....and by grub he means several unopened cans of lima beans in a paper grocery bag - as if he just ran down to the Piggly Wiggly. According to Pilot Frank, the lima beans are because there's a "little problem in the kitchen". If lima beans in a tin can equals a little problem, I'd like to know what the crap a big problem would've brought them....fecal matter on a plate? So what was this kerfuffle in the kitchen? Seriously, what spat between the chef or the servers could've caused all other foodstuffs to disappear? (After all Pilot Frank does feel kindly toward the Losties, and he wouldn't usually want them to die from gagging on lima beans.) Is someone holding the chocolate cake and cheeseburgers hostage?

And what is that rhythmic banging that is annoying not only Des and Sayid, but also the viewers at home? Can't be morse code - it doesn't sound right and Sayid would've caught it.

Oh Captain, My Captain! -
There's been a lot of brouhaha leading up to the appearance of Captain Answers - lots of mumbling from the Boaters about how angry and mean the Captain is. How he has a bad side. When Sayid says he wants to talk to the Captain, why does Pilot Frank say "No you don't."? Is it because Frank, too, knows the Captain is lying? Or is there more to Captain Answers than we've seen? (ok, that last one's a dumb question, we've all watched this show long enough to know there's more to it...)

So It Was a Bad Note -
"Don't Trust the Captain". Great, just great. We finally get a character on this show that will give us some answers (keep reading...). I want to jump through my television and kiss this Captain, and here we have a mystery guest - ok who are we kidding? We all know it's Michael. We've all known since before tonight's episode - telling us not to get too attached to his answers. Here's an idea! Maybe if Ben would've been a little more forthcoming earlier with answers, the Losties would know on their own not to trust the Captain, and wouldn't have to rely on "Kevin Johnson" to pass them notes. Did you ever think of that, Ben? Answers man, answers!

Time To Take Sides -
But here's the real question - can we trust Janitor Kevin? He's on Ben's side. So I guess it depends which side you think is good and which side is evil. The Others or the Boaters? As an audience we're being asked to make a choice in this episode (note the parallel with Sun's dilemma on the beach - more on that later...).

Nice to Meet You, Hope You Guess My Name -
So this is Captain Gault, the notorious nogoodnik leader of the Boaters within the confines of the boat...which would kind of make him Boris Badinov, and Papa Widmore Fearless Leader. Cool. He has a touch of the verbal diarrhea and is amazing forthcoming with selective bits of information without any obvious explanation of why he chooses to explain what he does. For instance, he just happens to think Des & Sayid need to know about the Black Box that Charles Widmore allegedly procured from the faked wreckage of Flight 815. Sure, they can learn all about the black box right here and now, but they have no right to know what the crap is going on the kitchen.

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies -
The black box revelation that Captain Answers...reveals...suggests that it was Benjamin Linus who staged the plane crash wreckage. Assuming Captain Answers is even telling the truth, would that mean that Ben use the real black box from 815? You would suppose not, because then it would reveal something's not right about the fake crash site. But if Ben were to use a fake black box, how would one even make such a thing and where would he get it? Of course for that matter, where the heck does one get a commercial airliner and 324 dead bodies?

Me thinks it's a little convenient that El Capitan is making hostility toward Benjamin Linus a personal matter for the Losties. Yep, I'm sure the Captain's not interested in their cooperation at all...no siree....

Men of Vast Resources -
Of course, since Kevin Johnson warns us not to trust Captain Answers, we have to wonder, was it really Ben who faked the crash? Or was it Charles Widmore? Both are men of vast resources who could pull it off. So could it be that the black box we saw tonight was the real one from 815, and Charles Widmore wanted to procure it to make sure the truth about 815 remained hidden since he staged the crash site? Making Ben and the Others the good guys all along like they promised? Whup, now I'm dizzy again.

Hey, Where'd Frank Go? -
Oh, and just as a quick side note, yeah Pilot Frank is running an "errand" to the island. Either that or to his magical Piggly Wiggly to buy some more lima beans. What kind of errand does he need to run in the middle of the night that he can't be late for? I'm sure we'll find out very soon...

Back on the Island -
Sun starts freakin' out about the lack of rescuing action by the Boaters, threatens to leave, and forces Juliet to ruin her marriage. Nice going, Juliet. Actually, after Juliet reveals to Jin that Sun had an affair and feared it wasn't his baby, things get better between them. Jin has a heart-to-heart with Sun admitting that he was a bad man and that he's a new kinder, gentler hitman now.
Sadly, I see what's coming at this point. We're tying up Jin's character too neatly. He has no more growth to share with us, no more development. This means his character has run his course.

Welcome to the World, Ji Yeon! -
Sun is our final member of the Oceanic Six. A smile goes out to her and her newborn baby girl. But as soon as laboring Sun starts to wrestle for her wedding ring and calls out Jin's name obsessively...I know this won't end well.

Father and Daughter, Together At Last -
They played that music - you know, the music they play whenever anyone dies or says goodbye to someone they love. That damn music. I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs every time I hear it. They could play that music and show me a blank screen and I'd sob like a baby. So naturally, I sobbed all the way through Sun's visit to Jin's grave with their daughter. It was very touching that Hurley came with her. Why was it such an event that Hurley would travel though? It wasn't the funeral. Maybe the anniversary of his death? Is Jin's death all part of the guilt that's eating away at Jack? Is that why Hurley's the only one to show up even though they all have free lifetime airline passes?

OTHER QUESTIONS:

-Where is Walt?
-Why the name Kevin Johnson?
-Whose blood splatter is on the wall of Des & Sayid's new luxury suite?
-How does Jin die?

THINGS YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED:

• The book that Regina is "reading" upside down is "The Survivors of the Chancellor: Diary of J. R. Kazallon, Passenger", an 1875 novel written by Jules Verne about the final voyage of a boat called the Chancellor, told from the perspective of one of its passengers in diary form. (foreshadowing?)


• The Boater's boat appears to be named "Katarina" ("Overboard" reference, anyone? Arturo!)


• In Sun's future apartment, there's a tv on in the background and you can see the episode of "Expose" playing. It's the same episode we saw Nikki guest starring in. Razzle Dazzle!


• Jin's tombstone says he died September 22, 2004 - the date of the crash.


• In Jin's sad flashback, the shopkeep mentions it's the Year of the Dragon - which would've been 2000. That pinpoints the year when Sun and Jin got married, 4 years before the crash.

THE OCEANIC SIX

1. Jack

2. Kate

3. Hurley

4. Sayid

5. Aaron

6. Sun

A Cockroach Named Penguin

I'm pleased to announce the birth of a cockroach named Penguin. An Askville friend of mine, Zee, is the new proud papa of a larger litter of Madagascar cockroaches. Wait, are cockroaches born into a litter? Or is it a gaggle? Or maybe a murder?

Anyway, Zee's pet cockroaches have multiplied and I was very blessed to have one selected as my namesake (or rather my Askville alter ego's namesake!). Zee went through the entire new herd (?) of hissing babies and picked out the one that looked the most confused. And that one he has named PenguinSage - or Penguin for short. He even sent a picture of little Penguin.

Isn't it cute? I'm a cockroach auntie!

And I thought my week couldn't get any better with all my swag. Everything's coming up Katie!

Woolly Wishlist!: Simply A-meow-zing

The modern age of technology has done me a tremendous favor: It has granted me access to some of the most remarkable and down-right freakin' awesome products made on this fine Earth. As a result my wishlist is 18 miles long, wraps around both poles of the Earth, and makes Santa Claus weep. I figured I should start sharing it with you so that you can start realizing just how lame that pony wish was to begin with.

To start off my wishlist, I would like this action figure which most closely resembles my future ambition - apart from my dream to have Andy Rooney's job. I give you, The Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure!

Feline urine odor not included.

So....What was the highlight of your week?

I know what mine was! Months ago I ordered a mug and t-shirt from Askville.com, cashing in my valuable Askville coins. And they're here! They're here!

Stop judging me, this is freakin' awesome. I love swag. I love swag so much I should have a bumpersticker on my car about it. I love swag so much I should change my name to Swaggy McSwaggerson.

In case you're wondering (and I know you are...), the shirt says, "I earned 1024 Quest Gold on Askville (and all I got was this t-shirt)". Ha! It's so cute.

Yea for free t-shirts and mugs!

Woolly Lists - Ten Cartoon Villains I'd Want to Run My Campaign for Global Domination

10. Gargamel (The Smurfs) - his potion making abilities may come in handy, and his patchy war-torn appearance may aid him in blending in well when infiltrating the enemy. But yeah, otherwise he's pretty useless.

9. Mr. Burns (The Simpsons) - two words: Evil Funds

8. The Weasels (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) - I hear that even after they die, their spirits will still do anything to screw over the good guys. I like that.

7. Fat Cat (Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers) - he's a classy cat. He can sing, he can dance, and he comes with his own henchmen!

6. Skeletor (He-Man) - talk about friggin' scary. He'd be higher on my list but he freaks me out, man.

5. Snidely Whiplash (Rocky & Bullwinkle) - because I relish the idea of all of my enemies being tied to railroad tracks.

4. Shredder (TMNT) - I respect that he can help control the martial arts-trained reptile population, but he will have to leave BeBop and Rocksteady at home. The Foot Clan can come along if they don't eat too many of my Doritos.

3. Dr. Claw (Inspector Gadget) - not only would I get all the MAD henchmen on my side, but maybe I could get MAD Cat to come keep my feet warm at night. Double bonus!

2. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty) - as a giant black dragon, can bbq my enemies until they're crispy and then let her crow peck at the gristle. She's in.

1. Boris Badenov & Natasha Fatale (Rocky & Bullwinkle) - after all, he is the world's greatest no-goodnik, and I am soooo ready to be Fearless Leader!

Super Happy Most Excellent Picture #7

Since it's Sunday and some of you might be missing church to read my blog (hey it could happen!), I thought I'd bring an image that's as close to religion as I'd care to get.

"Reverend Crunchers"

photo cred

Lost Thoughts: "The Other Woman"

The writers and producers were just playing with us this episode, dangling lots of catnip answers in front of us, and some of them we didn't even get to play with. So here's what I noticed about the episode.

Lean on me....skank!-
Ahhh, that's better. Getting back to good ol' island life feels good again. And this time we saw Juliet fresh on the island and having a therapy session with a catty snarl-faced woman named Doc Harper (sounds like a bad Fox Drama - Dr. Harper Stanhope, Island Psychiatrist). But what's this, Doc Harper is Goodwin's wife? Uh-oh. Juliet, you slut! We know from previous seasons that Juliet and Goodwin heat up the sheets. So I guess it's ok that Doc Harper was so snotty to Juliet. I forgive you, Doc.

Tom is a Pimp-
Just a shout-out to crash-era Tom's pimpin' moustache.

"You Look Just Like Her"-
Doc Harper and Juliet have a little chat about Ben and his "intense" affection for Jules (right before getting nasty about Juliet boffing her husband). Juliet comments that he certainly seems to like her a lot, to which Doc quips "of course he does, you look just like her...". We have no idea who "her" is. So are you ready for a radical theory? Well, Juliet's been noted to resemble another woman on the show one time before - Jack's wife. What if....just what if Jack's ex-wife left Jack for Ben? What if Sarah and Ben have a past? And what if the resemblance between Sarah and Juliet fans the flames of desire for Ben?

Home Sweet Home-
Just as Ben lied to Juliet when she first got to the island about making her a comfortable home for her "extended" 6-month stay, so Juliet lies as well. She tells Sun that she's fixing her tent on the beach just to prepare for the night. But what we know about parallels in this show tells us that Juliet knows that the Beachies aren't going anywhere anytime soon. She's settling in for the long haul. What else does Juliet know about what's about to go down?

Paging Dr. Stanhope-
Juliet's deep in the jungle during a rainstorm. The whispers start. And then Doc Harper appears. The real Doc Harper...not a spirit Doc Harper like I was initially fooled into believing (what? Juliet could've offed her in a jealous rage!). Anyway, she has a message from Ben to deliver to Juliet...and apparently she traveled by Whisper Express to deliver it. What the heck are those whispers? And why did they precede the Doc's appearance? Note they also could be heard just as Doc vanishes mysteriously too. Is there some form of travel (time travel?) that we're still not aware of?

Ben's Message-
Thanks to Doc Harper's Ben-o-gram, we learn that Twitchy the Physicist and Charlotte are headed to the island's electrical station called "The Tempest". Cool another hatch. I've missed them. Apparently there is a large store of deadly gas contained by The Tempest - deadly enough to kill every last person on the island. Or so Ben says. Twitchy and Charlotte seem to agree with him, so I will as well.

The Puppetmaster-
Amazing. Ben's still pulling the strings even though he's tied up tight in his own basement. Doc Harper says he's "just where he wants to be". Somehow, I have no trouble believing that. But how can he summon the doc or discover what the Boaters are up to from his basement? I hate to admit it, but now even I am jumping on the time travel theory bandwagon. Oh, how I have resisted!

Some Serious Gas-
Well Charlotte and Twitchy appear to have actually saved all the islanders from certain gaseous doom....naturally, it had to happen via a nail-biting scene thick with musical score and sweating. Good job, Boaters. And Charlotte (who I will hence forth refer to as "Bitchy") makes a very valid point, don't we believe that Ben would kill them all in a heartbeat? Yeah, I do too.

The Return of Puppetmaster-
We already know that Ben had been busy (at some point in time) dispatching Doc Harper to tell Juliet where Bitchy and Twitchy were headed and what they were going to do. But apparently Ben also gives instructions to Juliet to shoot them. When did Juliet get these instructions, and when was she supposed to shoot them? Because last I saw she was fixing her tent on the beach and not putting a bullet in their brains. So it appears almost as if she didn't know her job was to kill them until she got to The Tempest. Or was she just laying low all along waiting for the right time? Something weird is going on.

Meanwhile Back at Lockeland....
Ben has a video for Locke to watch. No, not the Red Sox game, although that in-joke has now given us a very tantalizing teaser about the events on the tape. We see the Boater's leader, Papa Widmore, beating the tar out of some poor soul, identified by Ben as one of "his men". Who is this man of Ben's? And how did he fall into Papa Widmore's hands? He might be someone we all know since this event happened after the Sox won the World Series and after Juliet showed him the tape in the Hydra Station (could it be an Islander?). Also, it seems to me that Papa Widmore isn't the kind of guy who's bashful about using a gun. So why doesn't he just shoot the guy? Why stage this whole beating scene? Also, did anyone eles find it odd that Papa Widmore is the one doing the beating? Doesn't Papa Widmore have some goons to do that kind of work? The whole thing seems very staged. Which of course brings us to the mystery of who the cameraman is. Someone of Ben's employ is just sitting around waiting to film him. What's the point of filming that scene? Who is the cameraman anyway, and what happened to him once Papa Widmore saw him there? Clearly someone made it out alive (maybe a little battered from a Papa beating) to bring the tape to the island.

Leader!-
Not terribly surprised to learn that Papa Widmore is the leader of the Boaters. Although now you really have to wonder if it was an accident that Desmond just happened to get marooned on the very island that Papa Widmore is interested in. Could it be that Papa Widmore somehow sabotaged Desmond into landing there? What purpose would that serve him? It just goes to show that Penn and Papa Widmore are clearly not working in conjunction if Penn isn't aware of Papa's easy access to Desmond, and the fact that Penn isn't even aware "the boat" exists. Or maybe, just maybe could Penn be lying? Is she more like her father than we give her credit for?

Island Adventure World Theme Park-
Get mauled by smokey monsters! Escape daring pointy stick traps! Buckle up for the plane-down-the-cliff ride. It's all here at Island Adventure World Theme Park! Yeah, see I don't think that sounds right either. So why does Papa Widmore want the island? I don't buy what Ben's shoveling about Papa wanting to commercialize the joint. It wouldn't be worth all this trouble and secrecy. Something else is going on...

Oh, and I hope you don't really believe for one heartbeat that Ben has now played ALL the tricks up his sleeve as he claims to Locke at this point. Ha!

You Belong to Me -
Man, when Ben gets a crush on someone, look out! So Juliet is "his". This explains why he's held her on the island so long. Now we know why Goodwin wasn't recalled after Ethan's death highlighted the danger of their missions. Now we know why Tom once explained to Jack that "Ben and Juliet have history". And now we know the real reason Juliet's been so hostile toward Ben. Man, sucks to be stalked by one of the most powerful and terrifying men on the planet, doesn't it Juliet? Maybe that's what you get for being a marriage-ending ho bag!

Jack's a Pimp Too-
But not because of a moustache. He's got the ladies dripping all over him. Ohhh, Kate needs tender healing. Ohhhh, Juliet needs saving from the big bad Ben - a kiss should do it! Jack's got at least one smart cookie on his hands though (and no, it's not Kate, the woman who only exists to get captured or beat over the head). It's pretty smart of Juliet to anticipate Ben's actions as she does. I think we can all foresee Ben winning this war, and his vengeance raining down on all those who tried to take what is his.

By the way, did anyone else notice the parallels drawn between Kate and Juliet? Kate (as always) easily falls for the trap of getting clocked in the back of the head by Bitchy. But when Bitchy tries to clock Juliet the same way, Juliet anticipates it, dodges, and beats the crap out of Bitchy. Let's face it, Kate's an anchor and Juliet's a badass. We all know which one Jack should pick.

Tune in Next Time...
So next week we find out Ben's contact on the boat and the final Oceanic Six member. I'm calling it right now that not only is Michael the boat contact, but either Michael or Walt are the Sixth Oceanicer....ah you know what I mean!

BEST LINE OF THE EPISODE:
Juliet: "It's very stressful being an Other, Jack."

THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE NOTICED:

• Ben's safe combination is: 36-15-28


• At first you might think the title "Other Woman" is Doc Harper, the newcomer to the show. But really it is more likely to be Juliet - who comes between not only Doc Harper and Goodwin, but also Kate and Jack.


• The Boaters have a map of the island, but funny enough most of the map is just labeled with ?s. They only have two on-island spots marked - the camp and The Tempest.

Doc Harper photo cred

All other photos cred

Askville Answer of the Week

Here is one of my all-time favorite debates. And if I do say so myself, I think I made a pretty strong argument.

I've even provided some bonus materials for you today - the Discussion Board for this question got pretty lively. For some reason every other person who answered this question sided with the bears. So I obviously had to pummel them. If you'd like to see the other answers submitted for this question, just click on the image and you can read them all (as if you weren't already hopelessly swayed by my own talents).

And here's the what was said on the Discussion Board:

If you can't read this, get some bleedin' glasses, granny! Or click on the image and you can see the full-size real deal.

As always you can find me at http://www.askville.com/. Just ask for PenguinSage. Tell her Dr. Chim Richaldson, Picturist MD sent ya!

He's So Adorkable!

Holy guacamole! They finally put my husband's picture on a t-shirt! I found this t-shirt while shopping at a Kohl's yesterday. The goofy thing is that this looks exactly like Dave - I mean even this little stick figure's expression is what Dave looks like all the time.

I was walking down the store aisle and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw it - it looks so much like him. From the glasses, to the eyebrow raise, to the goofy half-cocked grin - even the little squiggle goatee is perfect.

So of course I had to get it! So now I can show my pride in just how adorkable my husband is all the time.

Somewhere out there, there's a t-shirt printer who saw Dave and couldn't get the image out of his head - kind of like Elaine and the mannequin on Seinfeld. I hope to stumble across more Dave merchandise in the future.

Let's Get Toasted!

I just have to share this with you all. This may be one of the coolest and greatest products I have stumbled across in recent years. And if it weren't for the fact that I'm sure this hunk of junk is a tiny little fire hazard just waiting to electrocute your loved ones and burn your house down, I'd definitely be ordering one right now.

This is a Mickey Mouse toaster, that not only toasts a Mickey Mouse shape into the bread, it also plays the Mickey Mouse Club Theme song when the toast pops up! I can't even imagine how much fun that would be. I would just be standing in my kitchen hour after hour toasting mountains of bread just to hear its song. What a great time that would be....

I Lost His Armpit on the Soup...of Barbie Barbie Bum

If you've ever heard me quietly singing to myself (and this happens often), then you may have heard a tune you're not quite familiar with. Well, please allow me to introduce you to the funniest and most addictive little internet video.

This is called "French Erotic Film" - relax, Puritans, there's nothing X-rated about it. In this fanimutation video Jesus Christ is on a mission to stop Colin Mochrie....if you follow the "plot". Mostly this is just good old wet-your-pants fun of gibberish.

Ok really, this is a Dutch song called "Opblaaskrokodil" by Ome Henk. The film creator, Andrew Kepple, made up his own lyrics of what it sounds like they're saying. If you want to see what the real lyrics and real translations are click here. Personally I like the French Erotic Film version better.

Everybody sing along!

Seriously, this song could be my theme song I sing it so often...