Ode to Richard Simmons

Well, it's been 6 months since I had my baby girl. And I still (feel like I) look like a whale. But cloudy skies are hopefully gonna clear up thanks to my new best friend, Richard Simmons. I'm sweatin' to the oldies, baby!

And it's all because I saw one of his late-night ads and finally got to call one of those 1-800 commercials on tv. You know, the "but wait, there's more!" ads. The idea of calling was so much fun! Of course, the actually calling? Not so much. Lots of ads within the call, and lots of waiting...waiting... waiting. I just want to sweat to the oldies, people! Or maybe some disco!

Well, hallelujah, after weeks of waiting and one endless marketing phonecall I finally have my "Sweatin' to the Oldies" and "Disco Sweat" dvds - all of which had been previously unreleased on dvd, thank you very much!

So to thank the stars above for my new workout videos, I have composed a poem. It is an ode to Richard Simmons. In iambic pentameter.

Ode to Richard Simmons

Oh fuzzy little caffeinated sprite,
Your stripes and sequins so dazzling bright!

Large afro bouncin' to the oldies beat
White squeaky sneakers on your dancing feet

You help the chubby, the pudgy and pale.
Your orange glow tells an inspiring tale

To wiggle and move and and work very hard,
While wearing short-shorts that show all your lard.

Here is a performance piece by Richard himself to accompany the above prose.

photo cred