Ok, as I sat down to write this blog, I first tried to think of an eloquent title. But after wasting an hour of my life in hellish traffic, it all comes down to the above sentiment.
For those of you not local to Detroit, aka the Motor City, we have an event here called the "Woodward Dream Cruise". It is supposed to be a one day event that allows the middle-aged to remember the good old days when they used to "cruise" up and down the main thoroughfare in the metro Detroit area, Woodward Avenue. All of the grease monkeys and blue collar types dust off their classic cars for the event and thousands of people line Woodward and just watch these classic cars drive South. Then North. Then South. Then North again. Yeah. It's that exciting. It's supposed to be full of fun and nostalgia, but in reality it is just a huge waste of time and gasoline. Picture a rush hour traffic jam and then throw in some classic cars. That's about it. And it goes on for days. It is supposed to be one day. But really, it lasts about a week.
One week. One full week of gridlock traffic and stupid over-the-hill men and their granny wives pretending to be sixteen again in big shiny cars going way under the speed limit so that people can see their big shiny cars. (Hmmm...could these guys be compensating for something else they're lacking? I think so.)
One full week of morons lined up alongside the road chugging beers and sitting in lawn chairs watching intently and taking pictures of whatever they may see, be it cute young girls in teeny tiny tops, bright red classic convertibles, or me, in my non-classic car, screaming at the top of my lungs, having a nervous breakdown. Today I think I actually scared a few of the on-lookers.
I hate you Dream Cruise, I hate you!!! All you do is cause traffic and crowds and noise and pollution and litter and disorderly conduct!! Every year the hellicopters hover over my house so that I feel like I'm living in a war zone. Every year I worry that I'll be screwed in case of a medical emergency because no ambulance is going to be able to navigate through the sea of stupid that is Woodward Avenue on Dream Cruise day.
Someday I will move far, far away from Detroit and then every year on Dream Cruise day I will drink a glass -- ok, a bottle -- of wine and eat some chocolate and think about how peaceful it is to not be surrounded by thousands of boozing, cruising morons.
In the meantime, I'm Meri the Strange. Go fu@% yourself, Motor City!
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