The Soggy Ramen Noodle Post

Forget the happy, cheery post you were going to get today. Oh no, that's all gone. And when you go to cry into your midday martini about it, you can all thank Hanson's Windows for this one. Little orange-signed bastahds didn't bother to show up for the doorwall installation they scheduled. They don't call, they won't let me cancel the job. I just have to take it, because I'm the customer and they're evil, soulless, deposit-stealing cowards.

And then the lying liars from liarvania wasted my time twisting their moustaches and laughing at me while my lunch ramen noodles got cold - and there's nothing worse to eat on a Monday than cold, soggy, bloated ramen noodles.

And now I'm cranky - pop a sedative and laugh while watching Fatal Attraction kind of cranky.

So I'm off to come up with creative and disgusting things to do with the mocking orange lawn sign they have staked outside. I'm open to suggestions - particularly ones that involve feces, dirty words, cottage cheese, a carrot peeler, or a weed whacker.