Woolly Lists: 8 Bad Actresses

Please let this serve as a warning to the general moviegoing public. We have been skunked repeatedly as of late by some offensively talentless actresses. Now, I am thinking that the only reason these actresses are still in business is because you've forgotten. You blocked out their past performances, and so you'll finger $20 out of your wallet to go see them again larger-than-life.

Let me stop you right there. I can't stand the senseless suffering anymore. Please print this list and post it on your fridge as a reminder to avoid these wooden prop dummies at all costs:

8. Helen Hunt - Look, Helen Hunt's a feisty and determined man-hating tornado chaser! Oh look, Helen Hunt's a feisty and determined man-hating New York waitress. Oh look, Helen Hunt's a feisty and determined man-hating Mel Gibson love interest. Yeah, I'm done.

7. Claire Danes - Stoned and whiny only makes us glad when your character finally eats it.

6. Jenny McCarthy - I know this one's too easy. So let's just get it out of the way early.

5. Patricia Heaton - Rawwwr! The angry wrinkled troll is on the loose! Rawwwr!

4. Elizabeth Berkley - I have only three words for you, Jessie Spano: "I'm so excited!"

3. Anne Hathaway - If this girl lacked any more screen presence we could see right through her (I mean, if we could see around those enormous lips).

2. Renee Zellweger - She laughs like Babe, Pig in the City. Seriously. Watch closely next time. Otherwise this woman has no idea how to properly register emotion and overacts every blink and nod. Even her voice acting is repulsive and over-the-top (have you seen "Bee Movie?").

1. Cameron Diaz - If I have to see her wiggling around in her panties one more time I'm going to poke my eyes out with pipe cleaners. Do you think for her acting auditions that she just twirls gum around her index finger and then claps? It has to be, especially after her attempts to turn "Shrek's" Princess Fiona into an overacted, bubble-headed moron. Anyone else notice she could barely spit out the lines - in a voiceover part?! Go back to skinny bitch hell, you helium-filled twig!