Lost Thoughts: There's No Place Like Home, Part 1

Most of us Lost fans were left tapping our fingers last night during a generally ho-hum episode. I could practically hear the director calling "Places! Everybody, places for the big finale!" (which airs in two weeks, and better blow the hatch doors off of all other finales in the history of television). And thanks to last night's game of Island chess, we didn't get very much meat to this episode, just a lot of loose ends tied up in a damn hurry. To me, this was the episode where we really saw the price Lost paid for the writer's strike. But here we go with my thoughts on the particulars nonetheless:

They're Calling You the Oceanic Six -
Our favorite Oceanic representative and press agent, Karen Decker is on hand to welcome our heroes home for a reunion with their families after being "rescued". Predictable as predictable goes, all of the survivors are greeted by their living parents - except for poor Bucktooth (Kate). She and Aaron are symbolically very alone when they land on the mainland.

Every Islander For Themselves! -
The Oceanic Six "rescue" brings up the question once again, how the hell did Kate Austen get a seat on the rescue plane ahead of all those other people with families who missed them? Same with Jack, really. I keep having this image of our "heroes" shoving all the other survivors down face-first in the sand so they can get to the rescue craft first. I'll be very interested to see how their "rescue" is justified. All I can say is that Jack better not have gotten a rescue seat because the damn fool was bleeding from his heroic stitches.

Are You All Buying This? -
The story fed to the press by the Oceanic Six just makes me shake my head. I love that the reporters have already caught on to the absurd suggestion that Kate was 6 months pregnant when she was arrested in Sydney. But the real curious thing about their story was, who invented it? Is Oceanic in on the cover-up? Or did the "Six" fabricate this gem all on their own?

Welcome to Paik Industries -
Future Sun, still just barely pregnant and fresh off the rescue plane, drops by her daddy's office with a bombshell for him. She has bought controlling shares in his company with the settlement funds paid out to her by Oceanic. It's the smart move, the poetic move, and the only way to ensure the safety, welfare, and security of Ji Yeon. So now I dust off my hands and call this another storyline that has been neatly wrapped up with a bow. And we still have two seasons to go.

You Should See What I Did To the Other Guy -
The only really intriguing part of Future Sun's story is when she tells her dad that he's one of TWO people responsible for Jin's death. Who is the other person? And where is he hiding and pissing his pants?

Hugo's Party -
Future Hurley's trip to the nuthouse appears to be a very short one. Not only do whispers still haunt him, and his parents throw him island-themed surprise parties (nice one, mama), but also his creepy car full of bad memories has The Numbers on its odometer and trip counter.

Life at the Big House -
Future Hurley's parents are clearly not short on cash. So did they keep his original lottery winnings? It would make sense that they'd have inherited it after Hugo's "death". So did the "curse" of the money pass on to them (according to Hugo's logic)? And is the Oceanic settlement money cursed? Or is it clean for Hugo to spend? Man, this curse stuff is complicated and exhausting.

You Are Going to Your Father's Funeral, Mister, and That's Final! -
Future Jack's down a rough path of his own. Being the only Lostie who seems excited to be rescued, Future Jack's having a tough time keeping the glow in his smile. You'd have thought being stranded on a desserted island would've gotten him out of his father's funeral. But no, he still has to deliver a eulogy. But wouldn't they have had a memorial for Christian at the same time as a memorial for Jack? I mean, these people were presumed killed in a plane crash (with the bodies found at the bottom of the ocean) at least 4 months prior - they should all have had funerals held for them, and grave markers placed in the ground. What a very convenient plot device that Christian's memorial was held off until their dead son was rescued!

By the Way, Grieving Stranger Man -
"You have a dead sister who was on the plane seated just a couple rows from you the whole time. I know this knowledge does you no good, and you've already been through a mountain of trauma already, but I have to wrap up this plot thread somehow. You see, there was this writers strike, and your dead sister's back story had to be cut, along with a more appropriate revelation of her existence. So now here I am, at your father's oddly-timed funeral, taking as long as possible to spit out her name, the name of your dead sister, the secret one your father didn't want you to know about, from the plane, causing you to travel to Sydney. Her name was....was....Claire!"

Run Through the Jungle -
Back on the Island, Jack is running through the jungle with various cohorts (depending on where the writers were shuffling people), bleeding as he went. Real smart, Jack. Let's leave a blood trail so that man and beast alike can follow your trail for miles. Better yet, why don't you carry a loudly beeping phone the whole way so that when you arrive, everyone can hear you coming (in case they don't see the spurt of blood above the trees!).

Thank You, Sawyer -
I applauded when Sawyer pointed out the lunacy of Jack not learning from his past mistakes. Locke was right, they shouldn't have trusted the chopper people. Now they'll all likely die because of it. And yet....oh, Jack....you still want to phone the chopper and chase it down. You couldn't make it much worse, could you now?

A Changed Man -
What a change we've seen in this character since his first gruff days on the Island. Nowadays he's cradling Jungle babies in his arms and sending a search party after his tubby friend even when "rescue" is inches from his fingertips. Oh, ok Sawyer. I'll sleep with you if I must.

If I Only Had a Heart -
In a show that has a lot of parallels to "The Wizard of Oz" (including this episode's name), is Sawyer our Tin Man? Would that make Jack "Dorothy" (just wanting to go home)? Hurley the "Cowardly Lion" (learning to be a strong hero)? Kate as "Toto" (always getting captured and running away again)?

Hurley Wants a Cracker -
Our Cowardly Lion, Hugo, is showing his courage as he's running through the jungle with Locke and Ben on a mission to "move the Island". And he's not afraid to do his part and eat 15 year-old crackers, damn it! Oh Hurley, why are you following these head cases, who I love, but clearly aren't up to anything good?

Mirror, Mirror -
While Hurley's munching on his stale crackers, and Locke's scratching his shiny skull, who is Ben signalling to in the hills? Is it the Others? What are they saying? At first I thought he might be signaling for the Orchid station to evacuate, but then he wouldn't be keeping it a secret from Locke. Aren't we past the time for secrets, Ben? The party's over pal, I think it's time to put your cards on the table. Especially since Locke is Jacob's new boy.

No One Here But Us Commandos -
There they squat in the jungle: John and the Lockettes watching the not-so-subtle army men waiting to snatch Ben. How did the Others know to evacuate The Orchid before GI Joe got there? If they're dead (as I suspect), this makes some sense. In any event, are these the worst army commandos ever? I mean, they don't even know how to hold a perimeter, seeing as they don't even notice three full-grown men sitting a few yards away staring at them with binoculars and chatting up a storm. Plus, if two of them are parading out front, how are they covering the rest of a station which is apparently large enough to house a whole commune of Others? There just aren't enough Joes! Their tactics make no sense! And why wait outside for Ben's arrival? Wouldn't it be sneakier to hide inside so Ben won't run away?

I can't wait to see Smokey eat them for brunch!

An Orchid By Any Other Name -
What the heck is inside this "greenhouse" that makes it so special and safe? Ben instructs Locke to go down to a secret basement, what will he find down there that will allow him to move and island? Miracle Gro? (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Peek-a-Boo! -

Well, there are our missing Others! Conspicuously absent from their greenhouse, I wondered where Richard Alpert had gotten to (and how many were left). Turns out they still have a pretty strong army that still enjoys surrounding people secretly to spook the shit out of them. Were they looking for the Losties? Or did they stumble upon them accidentally? I have trouble believing anything the Others do is accidental....

An Explosive Situation -

Out on the open sea, there seems to be a slight panic in Desmond's voice as he calls to the dinghy folk to come see what he's found on the freighter. Uh-oh! It's an explosives-packed cargo area with enough boom sticks to take out, say, a Korean and a janitor trying to atone for his sins. I think Sun has every right to have that worried look on her face.

Ruh-Roh -
Back on the beach, Daniel the rescue raft captain, reveals the first helpful tidbit to come from the Boaters since their arrival. He recognizes the "Secondary Protocol" and the mission to the Orchid. But how did he recognize this? The sketches in his journal suggest he knows it from his flashes. And just thinking about what flashes at what point in time would've made Daniel draw those sketches and understand a secondary protocol, thus revealing to his past or present self that an Island was about to be destroyed over a greenhouse....well, there it is again, I've gone cross-eyed.

Best Line of the Episode:
"Jesus Christ is not a weapon." -Carmen Reyes, to her son Hugo

You Might've Missed:

• At Hugo's party, Sayid is wearing a wedding band, suggesting he and Nadia are already married.


• Two rabbits' feet appear in this episode: On Hugo's keychain, and in the hands of the co-pilot bringing the Oceanic Six home. There's just something about luck on this show...


• The island that the Oceanic Six supposedly crashed on is called "Membata", which is Indonesian for "doubt" or "uncertainty".


• Future Hurley was carrying a Mr. Cluck's chicken bag when he arrived at his surprise party.


• The Orchid Station symbol we see up-close in Daniel's notebook matches the symbol on Ben's jumpsuit in the desert, and that was on Keamy's "Second Protocol" notebook.


• A Geronimo Jackson album appears at Hugo's party, as does a guy wearing a "42" t-shirt.