We're back again to play our favorite celebrity gameshow: "Guess the Real Reason For Going to the Hospital!"
If this is your first time playing, here's how it works: When you read about a celebrity being hospitalized (or canceling a performance) for "exhaustion"or "dehydration", we all make guesses as to what's really wrong with them. (After all, if they hospitalized people for exhaustion, moms of small children would never be off of a gurney!)
Ok, today's contestant is.....the scary, the challenged...Janet Jackson!
The overexposed celebuwhore cancelled the second concert in a week last night, all part of her "Rock Witchu" tour. I lie not. I can't make up this lame as anti-rock shit. The first concert bail-out was in Detroit because of "production restraints". Today's excuse? A sudden and vague "illness" that struck her during soundcheck in Montreal. Apparently this "production restraint fever" was so intense that she spent the night at a hospital. In the fake maladies ward of St. Bullshit Memorial Hospital.
Now players, gather 'round, grab a pencil, and pick from one of these game choices.
Was Janet really hospitalized for...
A.) Drug Overdose
B.) A Vicodin Prescription that Gave out in Tampa
C.) Slumping Ticket Sales
D.) Last-Minute Plastic Surgery
E.) Sexually Transmitted Disease
F.) Shameless Attempt to Duck Court/Legal Obligations
G.) Desperate Publicity Stunt
H.) Psychiatric Evaluation
I.) Impromptu Drug Rehab
The clock starts....n-....NOW. You have 30 seconds to make your choice. Go! Na-na-na-nana-na-na-na (it's the Jeopardy! theme, just go with it...) Na-na-na-ne-nah--nanananana, Na-na-na-nana-na-na-na, Nah! Ne-nah, Ne-nah, Ne-hah, Bom-bom!
Ok, time's up! If you answered H.) Psychiatric Evaluation, then you deserve an ice cream cone, because that's my guess! And no other real reason. Hey, it's my game.
Janet's peeps are very tight-lipped on this one. So until the walking sideshow ages another ten years, finds her money has dried up much like her hootchicoo parts (or Papa Joe has stolen all her money and slapped her around) and she writes a tell-all describing the event of the past week, we are left to only guess and wonder. I owe myself five bucks when that time comes if it turns out to be a Vicodin jag. I knew I should've guessed B!
Tune in next time for "Guess the Real Reason for Going to the Hospital!", and thanks for playing!
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