Get me Some Vicodin, I've Got Production Restraint Pox!

We're back again to play our favorite celebrity gameshow: "Guess the Real Reason For Going to the Hospital!"

If this is your first time playing, here's how it works: When you read about a celebrity being hospitalized (or canceling a performance) for "exhaustion"or "dehydration", we all make guesses as to what's really wrong with them. (After all, if they hospitalized people for exhaustion, moms of small children would never be off of a gurney!)

Ok, today's contestant is.....the scary, the challenged...Janet Jackson!

The overexposed celebuwhore cancelled the second concert in a week last night, all part of her "Rock Witchu" tour. I lie not. I can't make up this lame as anti-rock shit. The first concert bail-out was in Detroit because of "production restraints". Today's excuse? A sudden and vague "illness" that struck her during soundcheck in Montreal. Apparently this "production restraint fever" was so intense that she spent the night at a hospital. In the fake maladies ward of St. Bullshit Memorial Hospital.

Now players, gather 'round, grab a pencil, and pick from one of these game choices.

Was Janet really hospitalized for...

A.) Drug Overdose

B.) A Vicodin Prescription that Gave out in Tampa

C.) Slumping Ticket Sales

D.) Last-Minute Plastic Surgery

E.) Sexually Transmitted Disease

F.) Shameless Attempt to Duck Court/Legal Obligations

G.) Desperate Publicity Stunt

H.) Psychiatric Evaluation

I.) Impromptu Drug Rehab

The clock starts....n-....NOW. You have 30 seconds to make your choice. Go! Na-na-na-nana-na-na-na (it's the Jeopardy! theme, just go with it...) Na-na-na-ne-nah--nanananana, Na-na-na-nana-na-na-na, Nah! Ne-nah, Ne-nah, Ne-hah, Bom-bom!

Ok, time's up! If you answered H.) Psychiatric Evaluation, then you deserve an ice cream cone, because that's my guess! And no other real reason. Hey, it's my game.

Janet's peeps are very tight-lipped on this one. So until the walking sideshow ages another ten years, finds her money has dried up much like her hootchicoo parts (or Papa Joe has stolen all her money and slapped her around) and she writes a tell-all describing the event of the past week, we are left to only guess and wonder. I owe myself five bucks when that time comes if it turns out to be a Vicodin jag. I knew I should've guessed B!

Tune in next time for "Guess the Real Reason for Going to the Hospital!", and thanks for playing!

You Can't Spell Debate without B-I-N-G-O

Hey all you political nuts, with your pre-decided views on who's already won the debate, who you're voting for. Since you're not going to be listening to the debates to help influence your decisions or for any real political insight (because we all know that the people who haven't made up their damned minds yet aren't watching the debates tonight, they're eating their hair in the corner about what flavor of mac-n-cheese to eat for dinner), I thought I'd share with you a way to spice things up a bit.

It's Presidential Debate BINGO!

Most of us will be playing this BINGO as a drinking game, and I encourage you to do the same. Especially if you're aware of the state of our country. It'll make all the bullshit go down easier.

Much to my delight, there are multiple types of BINGO cards available for tonight, so please pick one or all to distribute among friends (or your collection of stuffed animals if you're all by yourself. Sad.).

Just click on the images to travel over to the sites where you can print them.

RULES FOR PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE bingo:

1. Take a sip each time you cover a square
2. Take a big drink for every BINGO
3. Pray that you don't go blackout!

The Wonder Years

Here it is! Your ticket to hop in the way-back machine and catch a glimpse of Meri the Strange throughout the years! Its a magical ride!





1952








1964









1966






1982







1984





I think I've aged really, really well, all things considered. I was smokin' hot in '66. Sure I made some bad hair choices, especially in 1982. But I think I rallied and pulled off the cheerleader 'do pretty well in '84.

Now I have to get back to studying for that test. That's right! I'm STILL in school!

Don't You Forget About Me

Yes, there are about a thousand household chores and other responsible things I should be doing with my day.

But instead, I found this amazingly distracting website that turns back the hands of time for all of us who really felt we didn't live up to the style potential we could've in high school. The site is called Yearbook Yourself, and well, I think you get the idea of what it does.

Just upload one dorky picture of yourself. The less flattering the better. Then play around with different poses, and voila! You've wasted an entire afternoon and look really, really stupid.

I loves it.





I personally think I'm rockin' 1976. What do you think?

Ok, Meri the Strange, now it's your turn. Let's see what kind of school spirit you have. I challenge you to upload a few of your own yearbook photos. Rah-rah-rah!

The Great Golden Girls Game!

Gather 'round, gather 'round! I am about to unveil a Golden Girls spectacular of thrills, chills, and excitement. It gives me great pleasure - nay, embarassment, to introduce to you a game I have invented for those lonely nights when all you want to do is have a slice of cheesecake around a Miami wicker kitchen table with a few old broads.

Here is a game to help you rank and discover what truly is the GREATEST Golden Girls episode of all-time. Or you can make it a drinking game. Which is probably a lot funner. But I don't know if I want Rose Nylund flashbacks the next morning with lipstick smears all over the screen, so it's your call.

Here's what you need to play:

A love for Dorothy, Blanche, Sophia, and Rose
A few episodes of The Golden Girls ready to roll
A pen and paper*
(*you may substitute a bottle of Goldschlager or a box of wine if you do not own a pen and paper)

Now, start your engines and away we go! As you watch a series of episodes, you'll need to keep score of each episode's happenings, and here's how to do it.




The Great Golden Girls Game SCORECARD!

Mark points on your scorecard for the following Golden Girls moments:
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1 pt. - A late-night dessert is eaten in the kitchen while discussing a problem

2 bonus pts. - If that dessert is cheesecake

1 pt. - Every lover or group of lovers that Blanche mentions by name, date, position, or profession

4 pts.- If the girls scream in horror after discovering two people in bed together

2 pts. each - Every time Sophia says, "Picture it…." followed by a location and year

1 pt. - Each time Rose mentions a St. Olaf resident (not her, Charlie, or their kids) by NAME

3 pts. - Each time Rose mentions a St. Olaf pet or livestock by NAME

1/2 pt. - Each time someone says "Shady Pines"

2 pts. - For every family member that comes to stay with the girls

1 bonus pt.- If the visitor is one of Blanche or Rose's daughters, and the daughter acts like a total bitch

2 pts. - Every time Dorothy asks a guest to leave the house

1 pt. - Every time they have to call 911, or fear that Sophia's dying "Maaa!!!"

2 pts. - Each time Sophia makes a farting joke


2 pts. - If Stan comes to the house

1 bonus pt. - If Stan brings the monkey cone with him

6 pts. - If any of the four girls sing or dance during the episode

2 pts. - If Sophia talks about a Sicilian curse

4 bonus pts. - If we see Sophia put a curse on anyone!

2 pts.- Each time Dorothy is mocked for getting pregnant as a teen

4 pts.- If there's a wedding (whether or not the bride backs out beforehand)

5 pts.- If "The Cheeseman" is mentioned

-3 pts. - If they help a wayward child/person in need

-1 pt. - If Carol, Barbara, Dr. Westin, or Dreyfus appear, in what is surely a sad spinoff tie-in attempt
-8 pts. - If it's a clip show!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you are strange enough to try out this scoring system (and you just know I am!), please be sure to enter the score for each episode in the message board, along with the episode title (or at least a recognizable description). Together, we CAN truly discover the GREATEST GOLDEN GIRLS EPISODE EVER!!