Memorial Day: A Day to Honor White Pants

That's what Memorial Day's for, right? The whole thing about wearing white pants until September? Well, to toast white pants, this year I plan to drink a lot of hard cider until I pass out, stinking of sunscreen, hot dogs, and dog saliva.

Before I begin this ceremony though, first, I would like to take a moment to remember all of the brave white pants that have served bravely and fallen in the line of duty...especially those cute little ones with the ties that I tore the ass out of two summers ago. Your memory will live on.