Playhouse From Hell

So today I was scoping out some goods on Craig's List, particularly giant plastic playhouses for my toddling daughter to hide in so she doesn't see mommy getting drunk on wine every afternoon.

Now, some of these playhouse offerings are pretty ridiculous - tables are missing, phone receivers are missing, plastic faucets have been broken off, and water trapped in the walls is growing black mold in at least half of the houses listed.

But that's not the worst of it. Oh no. There is one listing today that made me wet my pants a little when I read it. I laughed until Diet Pepsi burned in my nostrils.

This is an honest-to-Elvis Craig's List listing in SE Michigan, word for word:

Little Tikes Playhouse - $15
White, pastel blue & pink playhouse/cottage w. pretend oven range inside. This had a yellow jacket's nest in it over the summer. Husband plugged up the hole, but there is no way to really take the nest out unless you cut apart the plastic. You can't really see it. We don't believe in using pesticides so it has not been sprayed. Queen yellow jackets can survive in the nest over winter so you'd want to be sure to get rid of her if you can or if you don't mind spraying chemicals, spray it. It's only $15 due to the nest.

Yes, all you need to do is hire an exorcist, light a couple matches, and wear a gas mask, and you're good to go! Fun for the kiddies! You see that yellow jacket at right? It's laughing. Laughing at the idea of eating your children right now. Laying in wait inside that playhouse. But at least - thank god - you can't see her (as the ad graciously reminds us). And you can't see her nest pulsating and growing inside your child's cherished plaything. Because if you can't see deadly insects, then they don't exist.

Why - you might ask - why wouldn't someone just banish this playhouse to the pits of landfill hell? The garbage man won't object - because apparently the queen is overwintering right now!!

And WHAT hole did the husband plug up exactly? And WHAT did he plug it with? A gasoline-soaked rag??

But no. They don't throw it out. These people who walk among us in society, who are neighbors and family to somebody honestly thought, ya know? I bet someone might pay us $15 for this puppy!